Rejoice! Star Finally Falls

Whether The View will be watchable once loud-mouthed phony Rosie O'Donnell joins is a major question that needs answering. But a big step in that direction appears to have been taken as it's being reported that Star Jones is getting booted from the show.

Like, very soon. Maybe even next week.

I'd shed a tear for Jones- if she had other work lined up. She doesn't. Apparently, on-air job openings for an abrasive, loud-mouthed, condescending moron are somewhat limited. Who would've thunk it?.

Is ABC Desperate Enough To Move Its Sunday Hits?

Looking to bolster its prime-time schedule across the board, ABC is considering moving Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives to a different night.

Monday is a prime candidate, with the pending loss of its Monday Night Football franchise. Still, with NBC featuring pigskin on Sundays, it seems wise for ABC to keep that night's schedule skewing female.

It owould be interesting to see how Grey's Anatomywould fare without a mega lead-in; of course, the show has actually outrated its predecessor (Housewives) several times.

No Survivor Behind Bars

Convicted tax evader and Survivor winner Richard Hatch is being held in protective custody until his sentencing this month.

Hatch, who won $1 million in the show's first season, was found guilty in January of failing to pay taxes on his winnings. The oft-naked contestant asked to be put in protective custody shortly after he was detained.

The charges carry a maximum of 13 years in prison, but lawyers expect him to only get three and a half, allowing for a timely and inevitable reality show comeback.

Flockhart Admits Skipping A Meal or Ninety

In a revelation that will shock nobody, Calista Flockhart fesses up that she didn't eat much while working on Ally McBeal.

Wonder if the suddenly waif-like Soprano, Jamie Lynn Sigler, got a few tips from the emaciated actress?

Gotta Love a Mobster in Leather

Thanks, David Chase, for adding one more thing on my list of things I never needed to see: an obese, leather-clad button man in a gay bar, complete with dog collar.

At least we were spared us the assless chaps. This time.

Kiefer Re-Ups For 72

Tell me where the money is!

24 star Kiefer Sutherland will now get those details without having to torture anyohe, as he has signed an Edgar-sized deal with 20th Century Fox.

The new pact calls for the actor to continue on the hit Fox drama for three more years. It also includes a two-year development deal for Sutherland's new production company.

So much for the show's creators doing away with the Bauer character anytime soon.

Malcolm In The Driver's Seat

What's Frankie Muniz doing now that Malcolm in the Middle has shot its last episode?

Yeah, we don't care either. But apparently it's news that the 20-year-old has decided to take a break from acting and race cars.

If I were him, I wouldn't waste my time driving in circles. I'd get on the horn with Wilmer Valderama to get help figuring out how to bag me a Lohan or an Olsen twin. But that's just me.

Download ABC For Free

ABC/Disney has announced they'll stream several shows for free off of the network's website.

The move comes in a two month trial, testing what they call a "new business model." How do they make money? Easily: the technology pretty much forces you to watch the commercials: no fast forwarding is allowed. 10 advertisers, including AT&T, Ford, Procter & Gamble and Universal Pictures have signed on to the no-brainer of force-feeding their ads to a potentially large, and largely captive audience.

The shows, including Commander in Chief, Alias, Lost and Desperate Housewives, will be available on the Web at ABC.com in May and June.