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Thursday, December 30, 2004

The 2004 Geekies: Uncle Buster's Picks

Up next in our year-end, space-filling feature-o'-fun is Uncle Buster, who shares his warm memories of 2004 Tube.

Most welcomed newcomer: Natalie Morales, MSNBC/Today Show. I know she may not techincally be a "newcomer." but whatever she's telling me, I'm listening with rapt attention. She is one of the very few reasons to bother getting up early and learning the news of the day from the otherwise horrid Today show. With incredible looks, a stylish appearance, and a damn fine delivery, she won't be subbing for anyone for very long. Hey CBS, you wanna stop getting beat by Judge Judy at 6:30? Sign this hottie up!

Least welcomed newcomer: Scooter. Fox Sports baseball cartoon aimed at explaining some of the basics of the sport to kids and other first time viewers. Scooter is neither entertaining nor informative, and has a voice so irritating, you actually question the sexuality of an inanimate object. He (?) just needs to go away and die a quiet death. And this may have already happened: I challenge you to find a single image of Scooter anywhere on the internet. Go ahead, I'll give you all the time you want.

Show I wish more people knew about: MXC. Spike TV's hilarious send-off of the Japanese game show is a combination of cartoonish pratfalls and stunts with quick-witted, snappy one-liners in the mold of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Watching this show won't make you smarter, but you'll feel smarter than the contestants- plus, there's a very good chance of laughing yourself silly.

Most disturbing trend: Has to be the incessant array of "reality" shows cluttering the landscape. Turning Gilligan's Island into some sort of retarded reality series? Is nothing sacred? Not a single one of them is worth watching for more than 5 seconds, and I suggest the outcomes of each of them are rigged in some way.

What I'd like to see on the tube in 2005: I don't care what comes on (except reality shows)- just make sure it's all in HD. I will watch anything, and I mean ANYTHING, as long as it's in high definition. Nature shows, bad movies, women's basketball, it's all SOOOOO much better in hi-def. My real wish is for the porn industry to discover this amazing technology…because I know they spend most of their budgets finding ways to make their material as up to date as possible.

Go away: Dr. Phil. If you're listening: you are neither insighful nor helpful. You cannot be taken seriously with that voice, which sounds like it comes straight out of a NASCAR garage. I thought Jerry Springer had cornered the market on preachy, camera hogging mouth breathers with sub-65 IQs. Sadly, I was wrong.

Best show of 2004: Several. Sopranos, Two and a Half Men, Everybody Loves Raymond, Behind the Music and Bands Reunited.

Worst show of 2004: Tie: The View and Today.

2004 TV Geek of the Year: Tom Brokaw. He was my inspiration for getting into television. Not since Walter Cronkite has one newsman been the singular voice of information for multiple generations. He has been at the forefront of every major news story for the past quarter century, and his departure from the daily mix is a loss for the entire genre.

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