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Monday, December 13, 2004

Americans To Get No Dick This New Year's

New Year's Eve just won't be as rockin' this year, as a stroke has caused Dick Clark to sit this one out. The ubiquitous Regis Philbin will take the reins (he needs the exposure, after all).

Still unclear: whether Regis will use this national platform to tongue-kiss his wife Joy, Mr. Clark's wife Karen, or both.

3 other geekspeak:

  • The Slammer:

    Dick Cheney didn't like Kerry talking about his daughter. He won't like this either.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:21 PM  

  • The Slammer:

    I say this is the time to grope one of Kelly's hooters. But that's me. I could be wrong.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:35 PM  

  • The Slammer:

    Top ten celebrities considered as alternatives to Regis Philbin.

    10. Bill Clinton - Preferred to spend a quiet evening at home with a friend & a cigar.

    9. Bob Dole - Since Viagra, then pen isn't the only thing he can't keep out of his hand.

    8. Michael Strahan - Network feared union grievance filing due to post show buffet.

    7. The Olsen Twins - More buffet issues.

    6. Richard Simmons - Too traumatized by this site's previous announcement of "No Dick in 2005" to leave home.

    5. Janet Jackson - No one wants to see her titty this year either.

    4. The Cast of SNL - The objective here is to make folks want to stay up past 11:30.

    3. Donald Trump - Network unwilling to accept subsequent reduction in ratings due to old fashioned glasses sailing through TV screens.

    2. Tara Reid - Network unwilling to adopt 25 minute delay to compensate for wardrobe malfunctions.

    ...and the number one candidate rejected in favor of Regis Philbin....Jessica Simpson - Felt that "New Year's Eve" was too big a word to pronounce on live TV.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:13 AM  

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