Friday, December 10, 2004

What's On Tap For 2005?

The N.Y. Post is making its predictions for what’s in store for the tube in 2005. We thought we’d pile on… here are our added predictions:

Desperate Ripoffs. Prepare for the networks to send in the clones of this smash hit (when do these ripoffs ever work? Single Guy and Coupling anyone?)

E.R. could disappear Without A Trace. With NBC’s Thursday night stranglehold gone, look for Anthony LaPaglia’s procedural drama to finally put the long running hospital drama on life support.

NBC’s The Office will be harder to watch than the season premiere of American Idol. It may even be the first show to be cancelled during its first commercial break.

CBS’ CSI: NY and NBC’s original Law & Order will meet in the middle, ratings-wise, with a weekly dogfight for tops in the slot.

Fox will break our hearts and either cancel Arrested Development, or add Vanessa Williams to the cast. Either way, disaster.

We’ll keep posting our completely baseless predictions as we get closer to New Year’s.

Based On The Shocking True Story

Lifetime (Television for Women!) scored a legislative victory when the Senate passed the Video Voyeurism Protection Act, which they helped along significantly.

While the bill does make it a federal crime to secretly videotape people, there is a loophole that continues to allow the production of crappy movies about those who secretly videotape people. Lifetime- double score!

Show Bombing? Blame the Promos

This San Francisco Gate reporter is falling into the old broadcaster’s trap: When a show does well, it’s because it’s a good show. But when a show underperforms, it must be the promos.

Such is the case with Arrested Development, one of the best shows on TV, which just happens to be too smart for the masses, has a completely incompatible (and extremely competitive) timeslot, and is hard to get ‘all the best jokes” in a promo when the show is structured without the normal (and lame) sitcom setup-joke-punchline format.

Could FOX promo the show more? Sure. But there are few compatible shows on TV to pair this with- Scrubs, maybe, or Curb Your Enthusiasm- but they’re on other networks.

Bottom line: smart shows are almost, without fail, doomed. (heavy sigh)

Latest Law Babe's First Day

The N.Y. Post reports that Elizabeth Rohm’s replacement, Annie Parisse had her first day of work yesterday on the Law & Order mothership.

We wish her all the best. Meanwhile, we await (with baited breath) Elizabeth Rohm’s “bigger and better” next project- Miss Congeniality 2. Chung chung, indeed.

Poker Players to Pamela Anderson: "All In!" (whatever that is) says 42 percent of the Web site's VIPs want to play poker against model-actress Pamela Anderson.

We can make really obvious jokes about what the witty banter from that game would sound like (“She has the larger pair!” “She’s going for the backdoor straight!" “Holy shit- nice tits!”) but we’ll control ourselves.

And before you say it- posting this story wasn't only a cheap excuse for me to post her picture. I swear. Honest.

SNL needs CPR

Another publication is going out on a limb and reporting that Saturday Night Live is again looking a bit long in the tooth after losing a few “big” stars (Chris Kattan qualifies?) and experiencing fading ratings.

If I had a dime for every season some rag said that… I’d have about 90 cents. Come on, people, admit it: aside from the occasionally amusing (yet consistently overrated) Weekend Update, the show has been largely unwatchable for years. Of course, when the main alternative is the abominable MAD TV… why try harder?

The Friday Eff-Off: Why I'm Not Watching Dr. Phil

This week, Uncle Buster takes on Dr. Phil, a man beloved by some, and loathed by others. Hmm... wonder which side of the fence he's on? Let's find out, in his in-depth 99 word analysis.

Dr. Phil has paid his dues. After listening to Oprah’s incessant bitching for years, his diligence was eventually repaid with his own show. Spewing “expert” advice on relationship topics of all kinds, I’m sure whatever back alley school he came from has a chair endowed in his name. Dispensing pearls of wisdom like “Put the toilet seat down”, or “Don’t sleep with your sister,” in a voice straight out of “Hee Haw”, it amounts to sixty minutes of some redneck telling people how stupid they really are. And here’s me, the real dumbass. I’ve been doing it for free.

"Dr. Phil" is syndicated. Check your local listings.

Thursday Trivia Solved!

Which of the following items about "Diff'rent Strokes" star Dana Plato is false?

A) Dana was discovered by a producer during a brief appearance on "The Merv Griffin Show."
B) Wayne Newton bailed Dana Plato out of a Las Vegas jail after an armed robbery arrest.
C) Dana Plato played a lesbian in an X-rated film entitled “Different Strokes.”
D) Dana Plato was chosen for the lead role in "The Exorcist," but her adoptive mother refused to let her accept it.

The spud was

A) Dana was discovered by a producer during a brief appearance on "The Merv Griffin Show."

It was actually "The Gong Show."

RIP, Dana, wherever you are...