Thursday, December 23, 2004

With Friends Like These, You Need Lawyers

Hypothetical: Let's say you're holding a draft of a Friends script. Is it wrong to blacken out the title in such a way to spell out "penis"? If the script was from season 7 on, it would probably be the funniest thing about it.

How about talking about "fucking," "blowjobs," and simulated masturbation in a writer's meeting? Is that wrong? Or making disparaging remarks about the stars and their sexuality, including but not limited to their preferences, talents, and... um... genital dryness?

These complaints sound like they come from every writers' meeting I've ever been in- and I've never worked on a number one sitcom. Yet the harassment lawsuit from a former Friends writer's assistant is about to hit the California Supreme Court. What kind of country do we live in where we can't freely discuss genetalia in the workplace? It's political correctness gone mad!

If you haven't read the complaint, read it now at It's worth it!

Angry Viewers target Who's Your Daddy?

People are mad as hell at FOX- and aren't gonna take it any more. Or, they're at least gonna try to get the network to shelve its truly tasteless Who's Your Daddy? reality special.

I'm not only positive that the network won't back down, but the outcry practically guarantees blockbuster ratings for a special that would have been otherwise ignored. And if the special is a hit, you know those crafty FOXies will be thinking series. Good Going!

From the Desk of the Geek In Chief: Just Askin'

A few questions to ponder, heading into the holiday break:

We love Jerry Orbach, and the Law & Order franchise, but can a fourth edition really survive and thrive?

And if NBC had replaced Elizabeth Rohm on the original Law & Order with a brown paper bag, would anybody have noticed?

Since winning an assload of Emmys didn't do the trick, will Fox add hott, lesbian storylines to Arrested Development to goose ratings?

If Kirstie Alley loses weight, as promised, what happens to her upcoming new show, Fat Actress?

Could Lisa Rinna possibly have any more work done without her face imploding upon itself?

Is Nicollette Sheridan hiding WMDs in her sweater?

How long will NBC find it necessary to drag out The Apprentice 3's finale, and will I qualify for Social Security when the credits finally roll?

When will network execs realize viewers loathe Wayne Brady, and finally stop casting him in stuff?

Will uncensored, "Too Hot For TV" outtakes from Pam Anderson's new sitcom be made available on the internet? Are operators standing by?

If Deborah Norville had pulled in any ratings at all on MSNBC, would she be screaming that her show didn't adhere to her "high standards?"

How is it that everyone on the planet, except for NBC executives, knew Father of the Pride would be completely unwatchable?

How do those silly little earpieces worn by the Alias agents always know when to beep?

How many absurd guest stars will NBC's Will and Grace force down our gullets during February sweeps?

When did Noah Wyle start looking like he's 40? And while we're at it, who's still watching E.R.?

Why would TiVo fight people who use their name as a verb? Isn't any publicity for a borderline product a good thing?

Where did Ereka Vetrini disappear to on The Tony Danza Show?

Will NBC's upcoming adaptation of The Office be cancelled during the first episode's opening credits?

And finally, if Katie Couric actually does agree to replace Dan Rather on CBS, is Ann Curry ready to replace her? And would this make Today any less unwatchable?

Wednesday Trivia Solved: Friends Redux

Which of the following items about Friends is false?

A) Courteney Cox was originally asked to play Phoebe, but she asked to play Monica instead after reading the parts.
B) James Michael Tyler was given the part of Gunther because he knew how to operate a cappucino machine.
C) Jon Cryer was originally offered the role of Chandler Bing.
D) The first member of the cast to get a role in a Hollywood film was Marcel the Monkey.

The answer is A. Courteney Cox was actually first asked to play Rachel.