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Monday, February 14, 2005

The Geek Files: Kick Ass Brass

The say everyone has their 15 minutes. This holds true even for TV Geeks like Pusher, who shares a tale of how her uncomfortable obsession with CSI delivered her moment in the spotlight. Here's this week's The Geek Files.

"An innocent man - jail's full of them." - An astutely sarcastic line than can sound generic from any average actor. But delivered by Paul Guilfoyle as Capt. Jim Brass on CSI, it's pure genius.

"Judge Cohen, you're under arrest for obstructing justice, tampering with state's evidence and violating seven articles of scumbag." Brilliant line from "Pledging Mr. Johnson."

In "A Night at the Movies," Brass taps into film noir as he expounds, "Poor sap was slumped over like a sack of potatoes... oozing blood like a broken bottle of ketchup" the whole time pantomiming taking a drag on a cigarette. Awesome.

These are the moments when a standard line becomes a "Kick Ass Brass" line on TV's #1 show; when an underrated character steals a scene because of the talents of an underrated actor.

The best "Kick Ass Brass" line ever came during CSI's third season. It was from "Lady Heather's Box" when Grissom returns to Lady Heather's dominion in search of evidence... and scene...

Grissom in doorway (to Lady Heather): "I'd like to come in."
Lady Heather: "Of course you would. Say the magic word."
Brass (entering the frame in front of Grissom): "Warrant? We don't have one."

I knew this line couldn't go unnoticed and, luckily, I had friends who agreed. A t-shirt had to be made. We came up with a front that read "Warrant: The Magic Word" and a back that read "I've taken a shine to (Capt.) Brass." What? Brass is the only one who can come up with a great line?

We each ordered a T and sent an extra one to Paul Guilfoyle. We never knew if he received it or not... until the season 3 DVDs came out. This is fun kids, so play along at home - Disc 4, Episode 315... "Lady Heather's Box." Play it with the writer's commentary. 57 minutes into the episode is the scene transcribed above. The kicker is - right after Brass' line one of the writer's explains, "A lot of Brass fans are fond of that particular line. They sent Paul a t-shirt that says "Warrant: We don't have one." Okay, so he misquotes our shirt but, still, that KICKS ASS!

Pusher's The Geek Files airs every Monday.

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