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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Static From The Geek-In-Chief: Why Stop At TV?

So, as you probably know, it's TV Turn Off Week. Because television is so inherently evil, and destroys children's lives (it couldn't be poor parenting, could it?), an army of wussy, whiny clods want you to stop watching TV for a week. Simple solution to a complex problem, they say. I say, it's a more acceptable modern form of book burning. Would Americans be so supportive of a "Burn Books Week?"

Well, maybe I'm being bitter. Maybe I should get on board with this crazy notion. But where should I draw the line? Should I also ban anything that's tube-related, like books and magazines? If I want to read TV Guide while I'm sitting on the bowlam i out of luck? What about that new issue of Vanity Fair with those wacky Desperate Housewives on it? Guess I can use it for kindling. I better not read those last few pages of my newspaper either, or look at the programming grids- I'll be in violation.

As long as TV is out, I guess I should also boycott video games while I'm at it. DVD's, too. Heck, anything with a glowy screen is distracting, right? How about cell phones, then? Gone. Gameboys? History. Heck, my stove has a colorful digital readout... guess I won't be eating this week.

Since digital readouts are now in play, I guess all the new-fangled clocks in my house need to be covered. Oh, and the washing machine too. And the radio, while I'm at it.

And I probably shouldn't be writing this, because a computer monitor is nothing more than a fancy-schmancy TV. And shame on you for reading it- you're not a team player!

Man, now that all these distractions are out of the way, I feel so much better. The problems of the world have been solved. And luckily, my TiVo will collect all the TV I'll miss all week. Of course, I'll have to watch double to catch up.

Isn't America great?

Static from the Geek In Chief airs every Wednesday.

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