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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Static From The Geek-In-Chief: Burger Time



Morgan Spurlock, the mad genius behind the jaw-dropping documentary Super Size Me, debuts his new series 30 Days tonight on FX. The format will be similar to his hit flick: his subjects will live a month of their lives immersed in various adjusted lifestyles and chronicling the (hopefully shocking!) results.

It's a shame his movie hasn't had a bigger effect on fast food TV advertising.

Sure, McDonald's announced last week that their commercials will feature a healthier Ronald McDonald. Everybody's favorite burger shilling clown will henceforth be known a fitness guru, purportedly to make him more kid friendly. This, they insist, is part of their effort to curb child obesity. Ha!

He's still a clown, and he's still appearing in McD's ads! Sure, adults know clowns are actually creepy and disturbing, but kids still love 'em. I'm not sure how Ronald kicking around a soccer ball on a lawn in front of a McDonald's drive-thru is somehow that much more positive for kids. And I don't see the Happy Meals, complete with shiny plastic toy, going the way of the McDLT anytime soon.

McDonald's is at least giving the appearance of making an effort. Carl's Jr. has a half-naked Paris Hilton serving up Six Dollar Burgers in a sudsy new ad. Number of calories in a Six Dollar Burger? 960! That's a tad worse than the also heavily advertised Wendy's Triple With Cheese (850 calories)- and the rotting corpse of Dave Thomas doesn't even give us a hott, Hiltonesque chick in the commercial to help us sweat out the fat.

Still, at least Carl's and Wendy's aren't trying to job us by handing pig-tailed Wendy (clearly a lesbian) a lacrosse stick or putting the smiling Carl's star on a Stairmaster. They treat us Americans like we deserve to be treated: like mildly intelligent, fat, dumpy bastards.

So please pass the ketchup, Ronald. And if you can stop adjusting your athletic supporter long enough, would you super size me, please?

1 other geekspeak:

  • Why has fast food advertising not changed because of Morgan's piece of shit movie? Because his movie was total garbage, that's why. We know fast food is bad for us, but we're Americans... when we see someone that's just below Tom Green on the scale of doing stupid shit for attention, and he's eating fast food 3 times a day every day, we look at him and go "what an idiot... I only eat there 3 or 4 times a week, not 21, so that'll never happen to me."

    And they're right.

    Here's hoping Spurlock's next film is a demonstration about why drinking the chemicals under the sink is bad for you.

    Anyone that would call this guy a genius has to be a complete moron.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:52 PM  

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