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Friday, September 16, 2005

Geekspeak Guide To The Emmys

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series

Arrested Development • FOX • Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth
Everybody Loves Raymond • CBS • Ray Romano as Ray Barone
Monk • USA • Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk
Scrubs • NBC • Zach Braff as John “J.D.” Dorian
Will & Grace • NBC • Eric McCormack as Will Truman

Geekspeak skinny: Hey, guys? Ray Romano was never really acting on that show. Just a heads up. He'll probably still win. Personally, I'd give the nod to the brilliantly deadpan Jason Bateman.

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series

Boston Legal • ABC • James Spader as Alan Shore
Deadwood • HBO • Ian McShane as Al Swearengen
House • FOX • Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House
Huff • Showtime • Hank Azaria as Dr. Craig “Huff” Huffstodt
24 • FOX • Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer

Geekspeak skinny: I'll accept nothing less than a win for that motherfucking cocksucer Ian McShane, for his brilliantly captivating performance on Deadwood. Also: who the hell saw a single episode of Huff? Anyone?

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series

Desperate Housewives • ABC • Marcia Cross as Bree Van De Camp
Desperate Housewives • ABC • Teri Hatcher as Susan Mayer
Desperate Housewives • ABC • Felicity Huffman as Lynette Scavo
Everybody Loves Raymond • CBS • Patricia Heaton as Debra Barone
Malcolm In The Middle • FOX • Regency Television Jane Kaczmarek as Lois

Geekspeak skinny: Look for the three Housewivesto split the vote and let Heaton waltz off with the trophy.

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series

Alias • ABC • Jennifer Garner as Sydney Bristow
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit • NBC • Mariska Hargitay as Detective Olivia Benson
Medium • NBC • Patricia Arquette as Allison Dubois
The Shield • FX • Glenn Close as Capt. Monica Rawling
Six Feet Under • HBO • Frances Conroy as Ruth Fisher

Geekspeak skinny: Close is a shoo-in, although I saw nothing so great about her Shield performance. Arquette would only win in a contest for "Most Mannish Hands On A Lead Actress In A Primetime Drama."

Outstanding Comedy Series

Arrested Development • FOX
Desperate Housewives • ABC
Everybody Loves Raymond • CBS
Scrubs • NBC
Will & Grace • NBC

Geekspeak skinny: Scrubs or Arrested deserve it, but come on: Housewives is a lock.

Outstanding Drama Series

Deadwood • HBO
Lost • ABC
Six Feet Under • HBO
24 • FOX
The West Wing • NBC

Geekspeak skinny: Emmy favorite The West Wing and fading Six Feet Under, despite its captivating ending, were both on the way down this season. But you could make a string case for any of the other three. Too close to call.

Outstanding Miniseries

Elvis • CBS
Empire Falls • HBO
The 4400 • USA
The Lost Prince (Masterpiece Theatre) • PBS

Geekspeak skinny: Didn't see any of 'em. You tell me.

Outstanding Made For Television Movie

Lackawanna Blues • HBO
The Life And Death Of Peter Sellers • HBO
The Office Special • BBC America
Warm Springs • HBO
The Wool Cap • TNT

Geekspeak skinny: The networks get shut out of this one. Nice to see BBC's superior The Office squeak in someplace.

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series

Da Ali G Show • HBO
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart • Comedy Central
Late Night With Conan O’Brien • NBC
Late Show With David Letterman • CBS
Real Time With Bill Maher • HBO

Geekspeak skinny: Ali G is the most creative of the bunch. However, media darling Jon Stewart probably wins this one. At least the hideously mediocre Tonight Show was shunned.

Outstanding Reality Program

Antiques Roadshow • PBS
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition • ABC
Penn & Teller: Bullshit! • Showtime
Project Greenlight • Bravo
Queer Eye For The Straight Guy • Bravo

Geekspeak skinny: Outstanding reality program? Normally I'd say there is no such thing, but the excellent Project Greenlight and Penn & Teller: Bullshit! both deserve accolades.

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program

The Amazing Race • CBS
American Idol • FOX
The Apprentice • NBC
Project Runway • Bravo
Survivor • CBS

Geekspeak skinny: Everybody raves about The Amazing Race, which I've never seen. And I despise the other nominees. So, run, Race, run!

Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series

Arrested Development • Sad Sack
Arrested Development • Sword Of Destiny • FOX
Arrested Development • The Righteous Brothers • FOX
Desperate Housewives • Pilot • ABC
Everybody Loves Raymond • Finale • CBS

Geekspeak skinny: Arrested Development is, consistently, the best written show on TV. Period.

Outstanding Writing For A Drama Series

House • Three Stories • FOX
Lost • Pilot • ABC
Lost • Walkabout • ABC
Rescue Me • Pilot • FX
The Wire • Middle Ground • HBO

Geekspeak skinny: I love Lost, which will probably win, but generally it has too much of that making-it-up-as-we-go feel to me. So give it to the equally brilliant The Wire instead (not a chance of this actually happening, by the way).

Outstanding Animated Program (for Programming Less Than One Hour)

Family Guy • North By North Quahog • FOX
Samurai Jack • Episode XLIX • Cartoon Network
The Simpsons • Future Drama • FOX
South Park • Best Friends Forever • Comedy Central
SpongeBob SquarePants • Fear Of A Krabby Patty/Shell Of A Man • Nickelodeon

Geekspeak skinny: Who cares. They're scribbles on the screen, and they're all pretty good. I need a beer... enough of this already.

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