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Thursday, September 22, 2005

Sportztyme! Bonds on the Beltway

Who knew Barry Bonds had a heart?

The reigning home run king, allegedly free from all performance enhancing drugs, says Congress should worry more about the Katrina victims than about steroid use.

How convenient that Bonds grows a social conscience right about the time he plays in Washington D.C. for the first time, and gets questions about steroid hearings in the shadow of the Capitol.

Bonds has not been subpoenaed and has never tested positive for anything. His head just naturally grew to the size of a state fair, blue-ribbon pumpkin. And those 700 home runs he hits while choking up on the bat are the result of years of perfecting his swing. The 40 lbs or so he's put on since his early days in the league? Oh, tell me YOU haven't grown a couple of sizes in the belt line since your college days!

The world could forgive a lot they suspect about Bonds achievements if he wasn't such a Class A jackass. The guy makes Castro look like Santa Claus. He could make Dale Carnegie go on a shooting spree. His contempt for everything and everyone is barely hidden under his massive melon. For someone with such thick arms, he sure has some thin skin.

Bonds was asked about Congressional inquiries into steroid abuse, and rambled that there are "more important things to worry about". He then proceeded to ask the assembled media how much they had donated to the relief efforts. Gee Barry, the plight of the unfortunate has been long documented in this country....well before a storm came and flooded one major city. Why has it taken so long for your empathy to become a priority?

Could it be because you're avoiding steroid inquiries like a hooker avoids a vice cop? Maybe you'd rather not have folks with no personal allegiance to you or your sport nosing around in your business? For someone who is supposedly so clean and legal, you sure do get defensive when anyone mentions the "S" word.

People can correctly argue that he's one of the best offensive players the game has ever seen. Too bad he's also one of the most offensive players the game has ever seen.

Uncle Buster writes Sportztyme! every Thursday.

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