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Monday, January 03, 2005

Idol Changes

Fox isn't standing pat with its most popular show. No, sirree: with the rest of its primetime sked shitting the proverbial bed, it's making minor adjustments to try to squeeze every last ratings point out of its inexplicably popular American Idol.

Among the changes we're hoping for: the immediate on-stage execution of losing contestants, preventing these talentless clods from receiving tons of mind-numbing overxposure (see Hung, William).

TiVo Gets One Step Closer To The Brain Implant; Fans Drool Expectantly

What a way to begin 2005.

Set to launch today: Tivo's brand new TiVoToGo, a new service that will let users take their TiVo anywhere. Subscribers will be able to transfer their shows to PCs or laptops and watch them wherever they go! Soon you will be able to burn DVDs of your all TiVoed episodes of Scarecrow & Mrs. King without having to buy a standalone DVD-Recorder (or knowing how to hack your box)!

Boo, hiss: no Mac version yet. No DVD burning software either.. TiVo, why must you tease us so?

Monday Trivia: M*A*S*H

Which of the following statements about M*A*S*H is phonier than Klinger's menstrual cramps?

A) Charles Emerson Winchester was stationed in Hong Kong before he was transferred to the 4077th.
B) BJ's name comes from his parents': Bea and Jay Hunnicut.
C) "Hotlips" Houlihan, Hawkeye Pierce, and Father Mulcahy are the only three characters who appear both in the first episode
and the last.
D) Frank Burns had three middle names during his time on the show: W., Marion and D.

Answer tomorreeeeeee.

Who's Your Daddy: Tonight, Vote With Your Remote

They say you can't fight reality- but we're gonna try.

Tonight, send a message to Fox that we've seen enough of their unimaginative, manipulative, deplorable reality fecal matter: just say "no" to Who's Your Daddy.

That is, unless you want to see it turned into a weekly series.

As an aside, one Fox affiliate has actually already dumped it. We're not big fans of censorship here, but we do applaud WRAZ's good taste.

Shameless Promo: Lotsa Geekin' for 2005!

Hey fellow geeks... look for lots of great new features here at TVGeekSpeak.com in the new year! Watch for trivia every Monday thru Thursday... and more features, like:

Mondays: Pusher's Geek Files and Irina D's Love/Hate
Tuesdays: Jen Schefftenberg's The Real Bachelorette, 99 Word Review
Wednesdays: Notes From The Geek in Chief
Thursdays: 99 Word Review
Fridays: Uncle Buster's The Friday Eff-Off

Love/Hate: Vanessa Ferlito

Do you tune into a show religiously, even though you know it's horrendous? Have you ever been captivated by an actress who isn't particularly talented or attractive? Here at TVGS, we feel your pain. Most of us have a love/hate relationship with the tube, and Irina D's new regular Monday feature will attempt to come to terms with these unresolved feelings. We present... Love/Hate.

For my inaugural Love/Hate column, I'd like to address my relationship with little-known actress Vanessa Ferlito.

Miss Vanessa Ferlito is currently co-starring in the very dull procedural drama "CSI: New York," and was previously seen as Claudia on "24" and was seen topless and acting rather unconvincingly in "Undefeated," an unfortunate HBO movie starring John Leguizamo.

Miss Ferlito and I went to elementary school together in Brooklyn-- her mother owns a hair salon on Court Street in Carroll Gardens. We were friends in sixth grade, until we moved on to different junior high schools and Miss Ferlito began referring to herself as Daquaisha and wearing enormous door-knocker earrings. She was, by all accounts, kind of a bitch. I lost track of her, although I had heard she was "acting," or "modeling" or something since when I got my hair done once she was hanging out in the salon, looking hungover and being lectured by her mother about getting a job. A year or so later, she appeared in a small part on "The Sopranos" as a slutty girl yelling at her boyfriend, and her acting career seemed to take off.

I don't quite begrudge Miss Ferlito her success, even though she was rude to me the last few times I saw her and despite the fact that she seemed to be passing herself off as a Latina-- much like she did in junior high-- even though she is an Italian girl from Park Slope. But I'm not happy for her either, since she was rude to me and an Italian girl should not get nominated for an NAACP Image Award, goddamnit.

So Love/Hate: Miss Vanessa Ferlito.

The Geek Files: MacGyver

Pusher is ready to ring in the new year with another colorful tube tale. Take it away...

Mmm... MacGyver. Promo pics were my crack and TV Guide was my dealer. Richard Dean Anderson always had the cutest pictures; the most coveted of which came in January of 1986. (A very good year for TV.)

After the Chicago Bears won the Super Bowl, an ad featured Ricky Dean wearing a white sweatband and sunglasses just like Jim McMahon. With the "no cutting up the TV guide until the week is over" rule in effect I had to wait to add it to my collection. Unfortunately, there was no "no drawing in the TV Guide until the week was over" rule. My freakin' older sister had actually taken a pencil and blackened in MacGyver's teeth and outlined his entire face! WTF?! I quite simply went ballistic. My parents refused to kick her out of the house but an APB was put in effect for ANYONE who owned that TV Guide. (Don't say, "Why didn't you just buy another one?" You don't think I tried that?)

Now, almost 19 years later, all I have to say is - God bless you Sydney, who worked with my dad. God bless you for not throwing away your two-week-old issue of TV Guide with Richard Dean Anderson's picture in it. I think I love you.

Pusher's "The Geek Files: Memoirs of a TV Addict" appears every Monday.