Friday, January 28, 2005

Medium Rarin' To Go

NBC has picked up Medium for a full second season.

Maybe now Patricia Arquette can afford to get her teeth fixed?

SpongeBob SquarePants Sexuality Secret Solved

The mystery is over: the creator of SpongeBob SquarePants says the wacky cartoon character is asexual.

However, he also revealed that sidekick Patrick Starfish owns a house on Fire Island. You do the math.

ABC to Hawaii: "Get Lost!"

Claiming they're losing assloads of money, ABC is threatening to stop shooting Lost in Hawaii unless they get cut a deal.

We're all for fiscal responsibility, but we're pretty sure the show just wouldn't look the same if it was shot in Vancouver.

Star's Saggy Secret

On The View yesterday, Star Jones bared an unbelievable secret: that her boobs are saggy.

In other shocking news, the earth is round, the sky is blue, and 2+2=4.

Web Whiparound: Mixed Critical Visions for See Arnold Run

Much like public opinion of "The Governator's" political views, critics seem split on whether A&E's See Arnold Run is actually any good.

Personally, I don't know if I can sit through two hours of a guy imitating Mr. Schwarzenegger without jumping on a grenade. But that's just me.

Hollywood Reporter: " See Arnold Run Disappoints on many levels"
NY Post: "Whitewashed bore-of-a-biopic"
USA Today: "A loving portrayal"
NY Times: "Glib, compelling and inadequate"
NY Daily News: "Run from Arnold pic"
Variety: "Entertaining Exercise"

The Friday "Eff-Off:" The Simple Life

People clearly aren't sick of Paris and Nicole, judging by the high ratings of The Simple Life's season premiere. But our own Uncle Buster is fed up (no surprise there). Here's this week's 99 Word Friday Eff-Off.

This one almost writes itself, doesn't it?

Kids with famous parents have been getting free rides for years, so I won't bother moaning about how a hotel princess and a pop icon's daughter are just given free reign on network television. Well, it is Fox: pseudo-network television.

The premise of rich kids trying everyday jobs would work if they weren't using two of the shallowest humans strolling the planet. And since they're not good at anything, the joke gets old very quickly.

Besides, I've seen Paris's "tape" and I know where her real talent lies. Or is it lays?

Friday's 99 Word Review: NUMB3RS

How fitting that today's 99 Word Review is all about... NUMB3RS!

NUMB3RS: It’s a new procedural drama on CBS! Or is it? Consider: Criminals on the loose! A cop struggling to solve cases! Flashbacks laden with special effects!

If it sounds like another CSI knockoff, don’t count on it: this formula subtracts forensics and adds… a math wizard! The decent cast (Rob Morrow! Sabrina Lloyd!) and amped-up music keeps things moving. Yet overall, it feels like an hour-long trig exam. And the show’s derivative structure could prevent it from becoming a breakout hit.

But its banishment to Fridays (against the lame Medical Investigation) could equate to some decent... well... numbers.

NUMB3RS airs Fridays at 10et/pt on CBS

Weekend Tube

Friday: Hillary Duff guests on Joan of Arcadia. Hope she doesn't "sing." On ABC, there's four brand new episodes of the TGIF comedies, in case you feel like dropping your IQ a few points. And in the "Jesus, why?" department, VH1 is showing a hacked-to-bits Animal House.

Saturday: On CBS, there's a 48 Hours Mystery: Michael Jackson: Critical Stage. No real "mystery" there. On NBC, three back-to-back-to-back Law & Order repeats- in HD, no less. But the winner: It's Demi Moore on a pole: Showtime flashes the classically horrendous Striptease.

Sunday: On Discovery, the heavily hyped Pompeii erupts, while A&E debuts its Schwarzenegger biopic See Arnold Run. And if you somehow still haven't gotten your fill of TV poker, check out Michael Imperioli in High Roller: The Stu Unger Story on STARZ!

Thursday Trivia Solved: 1985-1986, Part Four

Which did NOT air on Monday night during the 1985-1986 TV season?

A) Hardcastle & McCormick
B) Scarecrow & Mrs. King
C) Kate & Allie
D) Charlie & Co

The answer: D) Charlie & Co., Flip Wilson's Cosby Show knockoff.