Sunday, January 30, 2005

Geek Of The Week

Poor Star Jones. Or is it Star Jones-Reynolds? Either way, somebody please tell that loud-mouthed lard-ass that her 15 minutes are up. Nobody cares about her wedding or her floppy-ass boobs. Here's some advice: Go home to your asexual husband, count your blessings that you have your seat on the incredibly unwatchable The View, and please, dear God, stay out of the tabloids. If I have to read in Page Six about how you want to get a labiaplasty, I swear I'll puke in Joy's lap.

Are You A True TV Geek?

Sure, we all love TV... but are you a true TV Geek? Take our quiz and find out!

Give yourself two points if you have more TVs in your house than people.

Give yourself two points if you watch more than 20 hours of TV a week. Add one point if you watch more than 10 hours of TV a week. However, if you watch less than 10 hours a week, then deduct one point, and if it's less than 5 hours a week, then deduct two points from your total.

Give yourself two points if you own a TiVo or DVR, and one extra point for each additional unit you have.

Got HDTV? Two points. A plasma screen gets you one more.

Add a point if you own two or more VHS machines. Add a point if at least one is a SuperVHS, and add another if you have a recordable DVD player (a computer DVD burner doesn't count, suckas).

Digital cable or satellite gets you one point. Add another point if you subscribe to two or more premium channels, and one more if you subscribe to video on demand.

Better still: an illegal descrambler box gets you two points, along with stiff fines and maybe some jail time.

Add one point if you work in television.

Tack on one point if you have a TV-related college degree.

Give yourself one point if you were involved in any TV-related activities in high school (Yes, the A/V club counts).

If you're over 30 and watch two or more shows on the WB, tack on one point.

Add one point if you have any TV-related tattoos or car signage (decals, bumper stickers, license plates).

If you have a TV-related poster on your wall, add one point. If it's framed, make it two points total.

Add two points for any child named after a TV character, and one point for any pet.

Score one point if Television Without Pity is your homepage.

Tally one point if you scour the internet looking for show spoilers at least once a week.

Tack on one point if you own three or more TV-series DVD boxed sets.

15 or more: UberGeek!

You are among the TV Geek Elite. Give your daughter Sulu a celebratory kiss- if you can tear yourself away from 7th Heaven long enough. On second thought... maybe you should try reading a book (and no, TV Guide doesn't count).

12-14 points: SuperGeek!
Impressive- keep your eyes on the prize- you're just a few points away from true Geek nirvana!

10-11 points: TV Geek!
Congratulations, you made it. Mom would be proud! And she said you'd never amount to anything watching such trash.

Under 10
You're not there yet, but with the proper dedication, commitment, and universal remote, you can make your dream a reality!

Post your results to the comments section- we love ratings (naturally)!

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