Thursday, February 10, 2005

CBS, Numb3rs Shouldn't Count Their Chickens

CBS thought it had a hit on its hands with its new Friday drama, but it seems the latest Numb3rs aren't adding up. Ratings have tumbled dramatically since its debut.

NBC, salivating at the opportunity to re-take Friday, has moved up Law & Order: Trial By Jury to compete.

More Proof That Lesbians Equal Ratings

Once again, Howard Stern's proclamation rings true.

Tonight, on the OC, Mischa Barton's Marissa finally sucks some serious same-sex face with bartender Alex. Gotta love sweeps.

Speaking of, check out this great article on mysterious, sudden onsets of lesbianism during ratings month in today's NY Times (free subscription required- sorry).

She Dreams Of Weenie

Amateur-nightvision-porn-video star Paris Hilton will play Barbara Eden's character from I Dream Of Jeannie in some sort of flashback on the March 16 episode of American Dreams.

That is, if it isn't cancelled first.

24 Interoffice Memo

From the Washington Post.


Plummeting Tilt May Force ESPN's Hand

ESPN's Tilt is suffering a bad beat in the ratings, with 50% fewer viewers than when the show premiered.

The network had big hopes that the show would approach the ratings for Playmakers, but so far hasn't been close... begging the question: why watch a dramatization of televised poker when the real thing is so much more captivating?

Reality Check for Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil is teaming up with the producers of The Simple Life and The Real World get into the reality game.

Reality? He's fat, but publishes diet books. He's heinous to look at, but is heading a prime-time special on romance. Forget future projects, Dr. Phil- how about a little dose of reality today, you bald, hypocritical sandwich?

Trump: The Movie

ABC is casting for a biopic about The Donald.

Must be in retaliation for NBC's unauthorized flick about Star Jones.

Tonight's Tube

Tally up four more guest shots on the increasingly annoying Will & Grace (Chita Rivera, Michelle Lee, Ed Burns, and Jeff Goldblum- again). There's an un-bear-able new episode of CSI: on CBS (don't you just love bad puns?) And if anyone's still watching ESPN's Tilt, a reminder: it's on tonight.

Wiggin' Out! with Sydney Bristow: Week Five

Welcome to Wiggin' Out! with Sydney Bristow, week five... the only place on the 'net for an up-to-date count of Jennifer Garner's Alias wigs.

Episode 4 x 06: "Nocturne"

After a long dry spell, finally! Syd slaps on a nice, curly, trampy wig, worn- where else- in some nightclub someplace. It wasn't a day-glo color, but at this point, beggars can't be choosers. I'll take it.

"Nocturne" total: 1 wig

Season total:
6 wigs

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Thursday Trivia: Saturday Night Live, Part Four

Which was the highest grossing SNL movie spin-off?

a) The Ladies' Man
b) It's Pat
c) Stuart Saves His Family
d) Superstar

Answers tomorrow.

Wednesday Trivia Solved: Saturday Night Live, Part Three

Who has never guest hosted SNL?

a) Judd Hirsch
b) Mary Kay Place
c) Laura Leighton
d) Ruth Gordon

The answer: a) Judd Hirsch. While he once briefly appeared on the show, he never hosted.

Sportztyme!: On The Sidelines

In this week's Sportstyme!, Uncle Buster gets a little on the side. The sidelines, that is.

You probably haven't noticed, but sideline reporters are getting much better these days.

I know for most fans, they are like fertilizer for your garden. You know they help, but you'd rather not have to deal with them. And, with people like Lisa Guererro making an idiot of herself every Monday night last year, it's hard not to feel that way.

But, lets look at a list of the folks in the business who are doing a pretty good job, and bringing credibility to the position:

Michelle Tafoya, Monday Night Football. Ok, taking over for Guererro would have made anyone look great by comparison. But Tafoya is a great combination of intelligence and looks. Only provides relevant information, and isn't there to turn the sidelines into Entertainment Tonight. She may not be in Playboy anytime soon, but she won't make you want to throw a football through the tube either.

Erin Andrews, ESPN. Andrews started doing between innings updates for Braves telecasts on TBS. ESPN picked her up for this year's college football season and it was a really good move on their part. And, if you think she looks great on TV (which she does) you should see her in person.

OK, I know what you women are thinking: there should be more to their performances than just looks. I agree... which is why for all her centerfold loveliness, Guererro was a total waste of a paycheck for ABC. And, after all, this is a visual medium... looks do count for something. With that in mind....

Bonnie Bernstein, CBS. If she's not every sports fans ideal woman, she oughta be. Incredibly good looking, and incredibly sports literate. Great interviews, good insights, and a knack for knowing just how much to add to the situation.

As for the men: Armen Keyteyan, CBS. Every once in a while, he's a little too smart for his own good. But he also tells me exactly what I want to know... and no more than that.

Jay Bilas, ESPN. A basketball analyst with a law degree... there's nothing he can't explain in simple, complete terms. Even if he did play for Duke.

These are just a couple of folks to keep your eyes on. But by and large, give the sideline folks a listen. They've been working on it.

Uncle Buster's Sportstyme! appears every Thursday.

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