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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

TVGS ESP? Apple Might Want TiVo

Speculation is growing that Apple may consider buying struggling DVR juggernaut TiVo.

A perfect fit, we say. In fact, we've been saying it for a while now.

Let production on the iTiVo (or, TiVoPod?) begin!

E! Readies To Throw Star Out On Her Big, Fat, Cellulite-Ridden You-Know-What

Star Jones Reynolds may be about to walk her last red carpet for E!

The N.Y. Daily News' Rush and Molloy report today that the network is fed up with Miss Jones-Reynolds and her nonsense, which includes toting her swishy hubby onto the carpet, bragging about her ridiculous wedding, and trying to corral celebrities to come on The View.

We don't like to wish ill will on anyone, but we can't say we'd be upset if Star lost her night job. Or her day job either, for that matter.

Trekkies Keep Eyes On The 'Prize

Star Trek: Enterprise fanatics have already raised $37,000 in their efforts to fund another season of the show.

Quick math puts them only $31,963,000 behind their goal. Hey, baby steps, right?

See our "Save Enterprise" Idiot Box poll results here.

CBS Muzzling Rather?

CBS has their departing anchor on a rather short leash.

A report says the network is only allowing Dan Rather to do seven carefully guarded interviews to publicize his last days at CBS Evening News. This, seemingly, to avoid more talk about the scandal that cost him his chair.

J-Love Lands On Her Pretty Little Feet- At CBS

After ABC ran screaming from her comedy pilot, CBS has swooped in to snatch up Jennifer Love Hewitt to play an annoying psychic in their new series Ghost Whisperer. It sure beats the hell out of a Garfield sequel.

Looks like the soft-core porn will have to wait. Dammit!

TV On The Subway!

Atlanta will be the first to install television in its MARTA rapid transit system.

Great- now people will be mugging each other for control of the remote.

Selleck 'Stone Cold' Series?

Former sex symbol and Magnum P.I. star Tom Selleck, who was looking a tad long in the tooth on his critically acclaimed CBS TV movie Stone Cold, can still pack in huge audiences. The show did very well against ABC's blockbuster Desperate Housewives, with 18 million people watching the murder mystery.

The success has fueled speculation that CBS may turn it into a series or movie franchise. Selleck, who's mostly been dabbling in forgettable TV movies for the last 10 years, should jump at the chance.

New Law & Order Says Goodbye to Orbach, Briscoe

The late Jerry Orbach, who passed away after shooting three episodes of his new series Law & Order: Trial By Jury will have the fate of his character addressed in an upcoming episode. NBC has scheduled the Orbach episodes as the show's first three airings.

Meanwhile, here's a thoughtful, more indepth article from the New York Times (free signup required) about how the show is pressing on without its beloved star. Great stuff.

Law & Order: Trial By Jury premieres next Thursday at 10 on NBC.

Finger or Toe?

* Sniff, sniff *

Hmmm. Definitely a finger... yes?

Drat! Can we play again?

Final Enterprise Poll Results

We asked- you responded! Here's what you said was the best way for Trekkies to save Enterprise:

66%: Put Vulcan Death Grip on Les Moonves

24%: Crossover episode: Hoshi time travels to The O.C., makes out with Mischa Barton

6%: Force UPN to stop doing promos in Klingon

3%: Andorians and Tellarites go on Dr. Phil to hash things out once and for all

Wednesday Tubeservations

NBC Promo: Vampires on Third Watch? Does that show pull in big numbers in the Undead 18-49 demo? Come to think of it, I don't know anyone with a pulse who tunes in... One Day At A Time Reunion: Valerie Bertinelli still looks good. Bonnie Franklin, not so much. Mackenzie Phillips falls somewhere in the middle. But that wacky Schneider still makes me swoon... CBS Promo: Wow- after 20 years, a new format for a 60 Minutes promo! Not shots in a grey rectangle, cutting to the stopwatch at the end- but a blue and white melange of graphics and video in little boxes. CBS- welcome to the 90's! Law & Order SVU: The current hott ADA and the former, in-witness-protection hott ADA join up in a decidedly unhott, smootchless episode. I thought this was sweeps? Where's the tonsil tickling? Couldn't Rohm make a few calls?

Tonight's Tube

Tonight, Alias hopes to get some of its old-school magic back as two "friends" from the past resurface. If wig-wearing ass kicking isn’t your scene, The HBO made-for Dirty War hits PBS tonight, albeit in a slightly sanitized version. On Lost, the Skipper and the Professor get their raft ready for their return to civilization. And on Bravo, it’s the season (and possibly, series) finale of Project Runway.

Tuesday Trivia Solved: More Fun With Spinoffs

Which show spun off from a movie lasted longest?

A) Private Benjamin
B) Gung Ho
C) 9 to 5
D) Harper Valley PTA

Answer: C). 9 to 5 lasted three plus seasons!

Static From The Geek-In-Chief: Reunited- And It Feels So Good... Sorta

We've seen a Dallas reunion. We've seen a Happy Days Reunion. The Carol Burnett Show, The Golden Girls, and even That's Incredible! have dug up their casts for clip-wrapped chats. Last night, in the latest nostalgia-fest, the stars of the mediocre One Day At A Time got back together to reminisce about the good old days. Why? Simple math: networks know that nostalgia equals ratings. And they'll take ratings any way they can get 'em.

In their day, these shows all grabbed larger audiences than almost anything on network television today- after all, there was almost no competition. Cable, DVDs and video games weren't the factor they are today. So most shows that were considered a failure in the 1970's and early 1980's grabbed higher ratings than many shows considered hits today. For this reason, along with plummeting quality standards, there will be few shows worth revisiting after 20 years. Can you picture plopping down in front of your super-high def hologram set in 2025 to watch a JAG reunion? How about setting your BrainChipLaserTiVo2025X to ingest a laugh-starved Yes, Dear retrospective?

The logistics of today's TV will make future reunions a casting challenge. Reality shows will likely be exempt from the reunion phenomenon. In 10 years, who'll really care to see a "Where Are They Now" special on The Apprentice 2? And the huge, fluctuating casts of today's ensemble dramas won't help: You'd need a scorecard to gather the gobs of doctors who've traipsed through the ER since its premiere (plus, Noah Wyle already looks 50). How would one go about gathering the casts, past and present, of NYPD Blue for a sitdown? To guarantee screen time for all, the special would have to be a three night miniseries.

And the passage of time, which provides historical context for the fashions, morals and (aged) appearances of the stars, will cease being a factor as ratings-starved networks rush these specials to air. Which is ironic, since it's kind of the crucial attracting factor to a nostalgia show, don't you think? The inevitable Frasier, Everybody Loves Raymond, and CSI reunions will still happen, but sooner after cancellation- in 10 years or less, instead of 20 or more. Will it be as interesting seeing the cast of Friends when they still look like... the cast of Friends? Heck, Lifetime even did a Nanny reunion barely 5 years after the show bit the dust. I didn't even know the show was off the air.

Of course, history proves the networks will never let quality (or lack thereof) stand in the way of a bad (but highly rated) special. So, when the One Day At A Time Reunion cleans up in next week's Nielsens, prepare for the next wave of retrospectives, which will surely clog our sets come May.

But me? I'll sit quietly, waiting for that Reba reunion. That is, if The WB is still around in a few years.

Tell us what reunion show you'd like to see next! Go to the right hand column and vote in our Idiot Box poll!

Static From The Geek In Chief airs every Tuesday.

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