Monday, March 07, 2005

"You Are Concussed, Sir!"

The deceased King Of Late Night's former sidekick Ed McMahon was hospitalized after a fall in his Beverly Hills home, his publicist said.

McMahon said he tripped and injured himself, suffering a gash to the head, a mild concussion, and an ugly Chivas stain on his carpet.

Web Whiparound: Critics Chow Down On Fat Actress

It seems fat... is funny.

Critics in this morning's papers are gorging on Fat Actress- and, generally, it seems like many of them would go back for seconds. Some, however, criticize the crude nature of the comedy.

Slap on the ol' feedbag and read for yourself:
Philadelphia Inquirer (free registration required): 'Broad comedy'
NY Times (free registration required): 'Hefty Star Tips the Scales in Favor of Comedy'
Washington Post: 'Jolly-Unsaturated'
NY Post: 'Worth the weight'
Boston Globe: "Enjoyably over the top'
Boston Herald: 'Large on laughs'
Seattle PI: Alley 'living large'
USA Today: Alley 'laps up big laughs'
Chicago Tribune: 'Not groundbreaking, just gross'
Chicago Sun Times: 'Fat Actress adds up to a lot of dead weight'

What will the next quasi-reality sensation be? Vote in the latest Idiot Box poll- in the right hand column!

The Donald to The Dan: "You're Fired"

One thing is clear: Donald Trump would not want to be in business with Departing Dan Rather.

Speaking on Fox News Sunday program, Mr. Trump told host Chris Wallace: "Dan Rather's had the worst ratings for years. I don't think he's good at the news... He was always highly overrated."

Trump also would have handled Memogate differently, saying "I think it was disgusting the way it was handled by Dan Rather, and I don't know why they're firing other people. He was the head of it.

"I would have said, 'Dan, you're fired.'"

Rather's last day at CBS Evening News will be Wednesday, after which he'll be replaced by the spry, youthful Bob Schieffer.

Idiot Box Poll Results: Jay Leno's Gag Order

Our last poll's results gave us as close to a unanimous result as we're ever likely to see.

We asked: Jay Leno has a gag order preventing him from discussing Michael Jackson. Which gag order is needed more?

Star Jones on her wedding- and, heck, everything else 90%
Trekkies, whining about Enterprise cancellation 6%
Networks babbling indecipherable Sweeps ratings analyses 2%
Tivo freaks, constantly shilling the troubled PVR 0%

Web Whiparound: The Contender Steps Into The Ring

The Contender is... well, a contender.

So sayeth the critics who reviewed the new Burnett-Stallone-Leonard reality competition, which premieres tonight on NBC. While it was critcized by some for being portraying the boxers as too sanitized and generic, it seems compelling enough to draw an audience.

See for yourself:
NY Times (free registration required): Contender 'engrossing'
Philadelphia Daily News (free registration required): Contender 'Emotional, uplifting'
USA Today: 'Reality show with a hook'
NY daily News: Contender 'Packs a punch'
NY Post: Contender 'less than meets the eye'
Boston Globe: Contender 'Throws plenty of hooks'
Chicago Tribune: Contender 'a generic knockoff'
Washington Post: Contender 'Junior lightweight'

Charlie- Caught In The Act?

Looks like Charlie Sheen may not be so innocent after all.

Days after his wife Denise Richards split, he's still denying gettin' a little strange on the side. But reports of incriminating photos are making the rounds. Said pictures allegedly include Chuck canoodling with a few "professional" women at a party. Flacks for Charlie deny the pictures exist.

The Vegas over/under for these pictures appearing online: 2 days (and counting)...

Jury Is Still Out On New Law & Order

Law & Order: Trial By Jury got off to a respectable start last week in the ratings.

The Thursday premiere won its time slot and actually outperformed ER's new episode season average. The Friday follow-up, which featured Jerry Orbach's very sad final scene (you could tell he was NOT well), won its time slot with solid numbers, beating the rerun of CSI that CBS hoped would blunt TBJ's ratings impact. It'll be interesting to see how it does this week against the uneven Numb3rs.

So far, I've actually enjoyed this incarnation of L&O immensely. It's a neat twist on the original premise, and Bebe Neuwirth is excellent in her new role. However, Amy Carlson seems fairly superfluous through the first two episodes. And the excellent Fred Dalton Thompson seems to get even more screen time here than on the L&O mothership.

Just one geek's opinion.

Martha Back To Work; Deborah Stays Inside

Martha Stewart, after being holed up for a weekend in her Bedford, NY estate, is ready to return to her company's Manhattan offices and get back to work today.

Meanwhile, after several networks provided extended midnight live coverage of her release, the media leeches continue to suck on Martha: Deborah Norville intends to anchor Inside Edition from her Long Island, N.Y. home, Martha Style, under strict fake house arrest guidelines- she'll even wear the ankle transmitter.

Nothin' like doing hard time.

More Stars Nab Pilots

Henry Winkler, who has a recurring role on our favorite (but dying) show Arrested Development, has signed on to play a dad opposite Stockard Channing in an untitled CBS sitcom... Emily Deschamel stars in yet another forensic series, Bones, for Fox... Jason Priestly joins Tom Cavanaugh on CBS's Love Monkey.

Leno Pawns Off Mediocre Material To Surrogate

Jay Leno may not be able to tell his bad, lame Michael Jackson jokes, but he can still write them. And it looks like he found a pretty clever way around the gag order: saddle others with the material.

On Friday's Tonight Show, Everybody Loves Raymond's Brad Garrett delivered a few vaguely amusing Leno-scribed Michael Jackson punchlines. Our vote for the next reading: Corey Feldman.

Tonight's Tube

It's Fat Monday, as Kirstie Alley's massively hyped Fat Actress debuts tonight on Showtime. NBC gets the eye of the tiger with its 90 minute premiere of Sly and Sugar Ray's new romantic comedy The Contender. Lifetime attempts to cash in on the popularity of Nip/Tuck's Joely Richardson with its latest original movie Lies My Mother Told Me. And if you look closely on ESPN, you may see the fat, bald head of our own Uncle Buster, sitting in the press row for the CAA Championship- live from the Richmond Coliseum!

The Geek Files: Just a Good Ol' Boy... er... Girl

Hey, CMT! Your search is over! Consider this week's Geek Files as Pusher's official application. References available upon request.

What does it say about me when, after news of the Dukes of Hazzard job contest comes out (see Job Posting of the Week: Vice President, CMT Dukes of Hazzard Institute), every single person I know assumes I'm going to apply? I'd be flattered if they based their assumption on fact that they believed I looked like Daisy Duke wearing a pair of, well, "Daisy Dukes." Flawless deduction and eyesight prove otherwise.

You see, there are the Matchbox cars. Yes, I had a reddish-orange Dodge Charger-looking car with the number on the side and everything. I called it my General Lee. That wasn't all. There was a small, dark blue jeep with, get this, an actual daisy on the hood that I used for Daisy's car. Then there was the dirty, old, silver pick-up truck used for either Uncle Jesse's truck or Cooter's garage vehicle - whichever scene was being re-enacted. (Don't worry. Every imaginary character that got rolled in their Matchbox car while in hot pursuit of Bo and Luke escaped safely. No one ever dies on the Dukes of Hazzard.)

If my friends didn't know about the cars (and really, let's try to not let that one get out) maybe it's my obsession with theme songs. Let's face it... "Good Ol' Boys" is genius on so many levels.

I mean, other than those, I don't know why people would think I'd be a good Dukes of Hazzard spokesperson. 10-4 Good Buddy!

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