Friday, March 25, 2005

Geek Of The Week

Easy call this week: our winner is the unemployed "independent contractor" responsible for Tuesday's American Idol graphics clusterfuck. Idol exec producer Ken Warwick isn't in a forgiving mood, as you can imagine, saying "We probably won't see him in the building again."

At least he made something about this show interesting.

Awful Reality Show Big Factor In Saving Life

A prison guard who escaped a submerged car says an episode of the TV reality show Fear Factor with saved her life.

Debra Swaim, whose car was swept off the road into a Creek during a flash flood, said she remembered an episode of NBC's Fear Factor where contestants had to escape from a car in the water.

After returning to safety, she celebrated by wolfing down three bowls of leeches and a gallon of mule puke.

Did Shefft Kill The Reality Goose?

Looks like ABC is worried that the total gyp job foisted on Bachelorette viewers by Jen Schefft could be a fatal blow to their fading reality franchise.

They're hoping the new Bachelor, Charlie O'Connell (brother of Crossing Jordan's Jerry), can reverse the ratings slide.

Good luck with that.

Cybill Making Career Out Of Playing Martha

Cybil Shepherd first played Martha Stewart in the 2003 NBC TV movie Martha Inc: The Story of Martha Stewart.

Now, she's doing it again.

Shepherd has inked a deal with CBS to once again play the role of everyone's favorite felonious domestic diva in an upcoming TV movie (tentatively titled Martha). It will chronicle Stewart's indictment, incarceration, and subsequent reemergence, in a "less schlocky manner" than Martha Inc.

I can hardly contain myself.

Idiot Box Poll: Screw Cybill- Who Should Play Martha?

Vote now- in the right hand column!

Guy With Eye Replaces Bailin' Gail at Fox

FX President Peter Liguori, who put the network on the map by developing The Shield and Nip/Tuck, was selected Thursday to replace Gail Berman as entertainment chief of the Fox TV network.

While he's mum on his plans for the network, we assume they won't include a Who's Your Daddy 2: The Revenge.

Still no word where Irina D, TVGeekSpeak's resident anti-Bermanite, will redirect her apoplectic anti-Fox rantings.

Straight Up Probation For Abdul

American Idol's Paula Abdul was fined and placed on probation Thursday after pleading no contest to a misdemeanor charge of hit-and-run driving accident.

She gets spanked for this, and yet Paula has never suffered any punishment for subjecting millions to caustic, unlistenable piffle like "Cold Hearted" and "Forever Your Girl." Where's the justice?

"Morty Seinfeld" Dies

Pour a little out for Barney Martin.

The former New York City detective, who became best known for playing Jerry Seinfeld's father Morty on the comedian's hit television series, has died of cancer. He was 82.

Weekend Tube

Friday: Hey, Kojak, feel that sting? It’s pride, fuckin’ with you. Pulp Fiction’s Ving Rhames sucks the proverbial lolly on USA tonight. Also, on ABC, the moldy It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown airs for roughly the 31st time. And later, on Hope and Faith, sizzling hott Hollywood power couple Hal Holbrook and Dixie Carter put in their good teeth for a guest shot. Finally, get your Anna Belknap fill while you still can: it’s season finale time (awwww, already?) for NBC's Medical Investigation.

Saturday: Two scary concepts tonight: SciFi’s Alien Apocalypse and ABC’s Little House On The Prarie do-over. Be afraid.

Sunday: Finally, desperate fans can relax: a new episode of Housewives unspools tonight. Then, Arli$$ and Sideways star Sandra Oh stars in the brand new Grey’s Anatomy, which hopes to take advantage of the DH lead-in. And as the number of Arrested Development episodes dwindles, we’re subjected to an appearance by the increasingly unfunny Ben stiller.

Idiot Box Poll Results: Royal Wedding

We asked: What is the only option worse than watching another televised Royal wedding?

You answered:
Kirstie Alley Brazilian bikini wax 40%
Star Jones liposuction 31%
Kathie Lee Gifford's Off-Off-Off Broadway musical 22%
ABC's TGIF "comedies" 5%

Thursday Trivia Solved: X Files Week, day four

Mulder played baseball when he was growing up. What position did he play?

A) Catcher
B) First base
C) Pitcher
D) Right Field

Answer: D) Right Field.

The Friday "Eff Off!" American Idol Revote

I firmly believe that all "reality" shows are rigged in some way. At the very least, they are produced and edited in such a way as to provide optimum suspense or conflict, which goes against the very definition of reality.

American Idol sucks even worse. If you think that phone number snafu was an accident, you still believe in the Easter Bunny. It generated buzz, it guaranteed another show with big ratings, which in turn guaranteed better ad rates. All it took was some cross-eyed typist doing the graphics.

I bet they wish they had thought of it sooner.