We've got you loaded watching CSI: Miami. We got you smashed in The O.C. Now, it's time to get you inebriated off Alias.
When a change of locale is highlighted by flying text, drink once.
When a L.A. skyline bumper shot is used, drink once.
When said bumper shot is accompanied by a disembodied and unmotivated siren in the background, drink once.
If any agent dismisses Marshall in a vaguely rude manner, drink once.
Each time Syd gives Sloane a dirty look, drink once.
Each time an agent’s earpiece inexplicably beeps, drink once.
If the episode features subtitles, drink once for each line of printed on-screen dialogue
When Syd dons glasses that are clearly only for cosmetic, "hott librarian" eye-candy purposes, drink three times.
Each time the word “debrief,” “intel” or “communiqué” is used, drink three times
If a cast member dons a wig or speaks in a foreign accent, finish your drink
If Syd enters a loud Eurotrash nightclub, finish your drink
If Marshall over-explains new gadget in a briefing, finish your drink
If Syd wears a wig or elaborate hairstyle for a mission, Do a shot
If Syd and Jack seemingly resolve all issues by agreeing to have dinner, do a shot.
Tracking device planted? Do a shot.
Tracking device discovered? Finish the bottle.
If a character previously and universally thought dead inexplicably returns, finish the bottle
If said character now has an entirely different accent and personality, finish the bottle and hit yourself over the head with it.
And finally, if Sloane rips off mask to reveal he is really Lauren in disguise, drink a 12-pack.Special thanks to Irina D. for her contributions to this piece.