Thursday, March 31, 2005

Koppel Kwitz

Ted Koppel announced today that he will leave ABC when contract expires at the end of the year.

This will certainly begin wild speculation about Nightline and its desirable 11:30 time slot. It's been long rumored that ABC would like to put a younger skewing entertainment show in its place.

Vote in Today's Idiot Box Poll

Who can MSNBC hire to put them back ahead of CNN Headline News? Vote now- in the right hand column!

Fuck Yeah! Deadwood Lives

HBO's critically acclaimed and curse-filled Western series Deadwood has been renewed for a third season.

Think the FCC is chomping at the bit to stifle HBO even more this morning?

Wyle Out Of The ER- Sorta

Milquetoast TV doc Noah Wyle, who looks as if he's aged 20 years during his 11 year run on NBC's wildly overrated ER, will depart as a regular cast regular in May.

However, Dr. Carter fans, don't fret: he'll return for four episodes in each of the next two seasons. How's that for dedication?

Carlson Ditches PBS For New MSNBC Gig

Bowtied conservative yakker Tucker Carlson is ending his weekly PBS show after just one year on the air.

His relocation to New York for his new MSNBC show made it impossible to continue the PBS gig, which is shot in Washington.

Tittie Bowl Looks To Expand

The Lingerie Bowl, the pay-per-view event which has appeared during halftime of the last couple of Super Bowls, will expand into the World Series and NBA Finals in 2006.

I'm not sure how they'd fit their 'event' in between innings of a baseball game... but I really can't wait to see them try!

Take Your Shows On The Road

Microsoft Corp. has launched MSN Video Downloads, a new, $19.95-a-year service that lets people download certain TV shows to portable devices such as media players and advanced cell phones.

Content includes sports highlights and some shows from Fox Sports, news and business headlines from and children's programming from Cookie Jar Entertainment.

What? No Lost? No Sopranos? No porn? Harumph. Maybe MS should stick to what they know best- making lousy software.

Wiggin' Out! with Sydney Bristow: Week Twelve

Welcome to Wiggin' Out! with Sydney Bristow... TVGeekSpeak's weekly tally of J-Gar's Alias wigs.

Episode 4 x 13: "Tuesday"

Right off the bat, we see Syd on a Havana dance floor, in a shaggy black wig and three inch heels. (When does this broad have time for salsa lessons?)

"Tuesday" total: 1 wig

Season total:
11 wigs

Get Lost!: 3/30/05

Here's some ruminations about last night's episode.

So, all of a sudden Locke's legs aren't working all the time, and he's a prophet and seer, and (probably not) an immaculately conceived baby. Is Boone in love with Locke now instead of sinfully loving his sister? Locke says jump and Boone says how high? When will blumpkins follow?

Another neat Locke backstory that leaves us hanging. So Locke worked at some version of "Wal-Mart" before the box company. Well, for $16.88 or something similar, the Lost Season One DVD will be on sale there this September. I'll be plopping down my hard earned cash... Smiley Faces be damned. Swoozie Kurtz joins the wacky "flashback guest star" cast of Lost as Locke's mom. Locke gets duped by his "dad." The elaborate deception didn't make much sense.... why couldn't his dad just be straight up about what he needed?

Still no concrete explanation about how Locke lost use of his legs originally, nor any explanation about how he could carry Boone back to camp or have prophetic dreams. But, nice goofy hair in the flashbacks. Almost inspired me to get out my #2 clippers.

Sawyer's wearing Ashleigh Banfield Glasses now. I guess that means it's almost time for his career to go downhill inexplicably quickly...

Tonight's Tube

Survivor fans can get their TV watching back to normal: its Thursday slot is back. On HBO, check out Left of the Dial, a documentary about the birth of Air America... that is, if you can stand the looming spectre of the criminally annoying Al Franken. ABC continues to try to shove Jake In Progress down our throats with a double pump.

Wednesday Trivia Solved: Who's the Boss? week, day three

What was the original title of the show?

A) Limited Partners
B) Two Bosses, No Job
C) The Upper Hand
D) Mr. Maid

Answer: A) Limited Partners.

Sportztyme! In the Paint

WGN in Chicago may be the home of the Cubs, but after that, their contributions to sports television drop like Johnny Cochran after seeing his brain surgeon's bill.

So it makes one wonder what on earth they are thinking with their latest brilliant idea. They are launching an original series next month called "Ultimate Arena Paintball". I'm not making this up...and once you hear the title, you can understand why this is original. No one ever bothered putting these idiots on TV before.

Truth be told, there is an actual World Paintball League and an Ultimate Arena Paintball League. I'm guessing the latter doesn't get the Good Housekeeping seal of approval for shooting guns in the house. In the WPL, there are 24 professional teams and in the UAPL (even the acronyms suck) there are 215 different squads separated into divisions based either on skill or chromosome count.

So the good folks in the Windy City thought it would be swell to put this tripe on television. They are going to show these "games" as if they were real, organized sports. I'm not against the idea of paintball as a solitary diversion. You know, one of those "team-building" events where everyone just wants to get a clean shot at the boss's ass for moving them down the hall to the office with no window next to the snack machine and the bathrooms.

But that doesn't mean I want to see these morons on my tube acting like Rambo in the jungles of Laos. They aren't liberating a small country, there are no hostage missions here, and yet I get the strange feeling these guys take to this activity with the intensity of a lioness on a diseased yak.

I'll file this one under "watch to make you feel better about yourself" and hope someone slips a real bullet or two in those guns once in a while.