Monday, April 04, 2005


CBS will discharge military drama JAG after 9 seasons on the network.

The series has always had a strong following with older viewers (as well as Pusher, the brains behind TVGS' The Geek Files), but never caught on with the hip and crazy youngsters.

CBS says the finale will air on Friday, April 29.

Our 24 Idiot Box Poll Results

We asked: What will be the big, blockbuster revelation on this week's 24?

You answered:

Bauer actually stops to have a meal, take a dump, and catch some zzzz's 51%
Edgar slips Chloe a roofie, violates her CTU-style in the conference room 21%
Elisha Cuthbert returns to prove she is, in fact, a natural blonde 18%
Michelle and Tony agree to not exchange hurtful, angry glances for an entire episode 9%

Vote in our new poll now- in the right hand column!

WWE: "God Bless the USA- and NBCU Too!"

The WWE is back in the ring with USA.

America's leading purveyor of faux sports "entertainment" has signed a three-year deal to broadcast its wrestling events on media conglomerate NBC Universal's television networks.

Starting in October, Monday Night RAW, its flagship cable property, will air on the USA Network. Other wrasslin' shows could air on Telemundo and NBC as well.

Sounds like the perfect Monk lead-in to me.

Too Hard To Push Buttons? Now There's An Easier Remote

A voice controlled remote? Yup, it's finally here- and not a moment too soon. Thank God! Our prayers have been answered!

I don't know how civilization has survived this long with the old school push-button remotes. And it couldn't have come any sooner- the golf-ball sized callous on my index finger is nearing critical mass!

What's this new remote's best feature? Vote now in our Idiot Box poll- in the right hand column!

Prosecutors Won't Let Martha Get A Leg Up

Federal prosecutors have refused Mark Burnett's request to remove Martha Stewart's electronic anklet.

Burnett says the device interferes with production of Stewart's upcoming version of Apprentice because the anklet prevents her from wearing "skirts or dresses" on camera.

This is a bummer, because I just can't get enough of Martha's delicious cankles.

GSN Lauds Lovable Gamblers

Live from Las Vegas, it's The Casino Awards! Only on GSN!

Can't wait to see the "winner" who takes home the award for "Best Craps Performance by a Degenerate Betting With Cash Obtained by an In-Casino Third Mortgage."

His mom will be so proud!

It's Law & Order: DNR as Ancient Lansbury Hits NBC

Cryogenically preserved actress Angela Lansbury is returning to network TV.

She'll partake in a May sweeps stunt as part of a crossover between Law & Order: SVU and Law & Order: Trial by Jury.

Just another shameless example of NBC relentlessly courting those young demos.

Shieffer Wants To Stay

For Bob Schieffer, anchoring CBS Evening News was supposed to be a temporary assignment. Now he's decided he digs the gig (free registratrion required), and is openly campaigning to make the move permament.

Whereas Les Moonves, uberlord of the Viacom Empire, says he's happy with the changes, the grey-haired Schieffer doesn't exactly inspire confidence that he'll attract a younger-skewing audience.

The CBS Evening News is still a distant third. Ratings are flat from when Dan The Man was in the chair.

Desperate For 99 Words: 4/3/05

Here's our 99 word recap of this week's Desperate Housewives.

Juanita Solis wakes from her stint as sleeping road pizza only to trip and become stairway sausage. Carlos takes a plea bargain worth 8 months in jail, but can’t trust adulterous Gabrielle on her own. Meanwhile, Gabrielle prepares to receive a cash windfall from Mama’s wrongful death. After he's expelled, Bree forces tough love on Andrew, Montel Williams style, sending him off to boot camp. Andrew returns the favor with a loogie in the face! A letter from Mike leads Susan to date a guy against Edie’s wishes. Lynette’s big mouth splits up her friend’s marriage. That meddling bitch!

Tonight's Tube

Don't want to watch the College Hoops Final? Me neither. So what else is on?

Tonight on Lifetime, it's Odd Girl Out, a not-so-original original movie that sounds like a ripoff of Mean Girls, among others. I'm skippin' that for the can't miss 24 on TiVo #1 (who wants to wait for a rerun later in the week?), and Behind the Camera: Mork & Mindy on TiVo #2.


The Geek Files: Spenser For Hire

As I put away my winter coats I long for the days of Spenser: For Hire. What's the connection? Winter coats.

Robert Urich was practically a fashion model for his outerwear during his three years on the show. Nobody could wear a leather bomber jacket or a black pea coat like Spenser. Don't get me wrong. Hawk was hot in his long, tan leather coat too. But in 65 episodes, Spenser easily had 65 of the coolest jackets found in the mid-'80s.

It was a massive source of pride when I was compared to Spenser the winter I owned a teal LL Bean ski jacket, a black leather button down coat, a brown pea coat, a light blue denim jacket, a heavy green parka, and a Mets satin jacket. Maybe next winter I'll bring some of these photos with me as I shop for new winter coats.

Pusher's The Geek Files airs every Monday.