Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Idiot Box Poll: Next Celebrity Competition Show

We have Celebrity Poker, Celebrity Bowling and even Celebrity Charades. What should the next star-filled TV competition be? Vote now- in the right hand column!

Japanese Beat U.S. Again- in TV Watching

We're number two! We're number two!

In a competition I was sure our country had locked up, it turns out the Japanese watch more TV than anyone in the world. Even we Americans! (We're in second place.)

Come on people, redouble your efforts. If everybody just watched another 35 minutes a day, we can return our country to glory! (cue "God Bless America")

Idiot Box Poll Results: Lost's Next Plot Twist

We asked: Now that Lost has killed off a major character, what's going to be the next shocking plot twist?

You answered:
Claire and Kate become romantically involved; decide to raise baby as "two mommies" 48%
Hurley finds, devours box of preserved, uneaten Ho-Ho's; goes into diabetic coma 21%
Locke files lawsuit, claiming island isn't acceptably wheelchair accessible 16%
With no family members left alive to lust after her, Shannon goes into depression 13%

New Neighbor On Wisteria Lane

Next season, Desperate Housewives will add Alfre Woodard to the cast.


I can hardly contain myself.

"Sounds Like... A Derivative Flop?"

AMC said Monday that it has ordered six episodes of Celebrity Charades.

In each episode, two teams of 10 "celebrities" (I don't expect J-Lo, Lindsay Lohan, or P. Diddy to play) will compete against each other in a game of movie-themed charades. Those participating include Bebe Neuwirth, Hank Azaria, Ana Gasteyer, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Rosie Perez, Peter Bogdanovich and fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi... even a B-list!

Winnings will go to charity.

Oprah Wants Martha. Also An Entire Box Of Ho-Ho's.

The Big O hinted on-air yesterday that she may serve up an interview with Martha Stewart.

Stewart has yet to give an interview since her release from prison, and her flack says she has yet to commit to one. The domestic diva served four months for lying to federal investigators about a stock transaction.

Brits Prefer Soap Wedding To Real Royal Nuptuals

Looks like even the British are bored by the Royal Family.

Coverage of the Charles-Camilla wedding was outrated by marriage between two veteran characters on the TV soap Coronation Street, broadcasters said Monday.

To be fair, the actual ceremony of the royals wasn't broadcast. And it did beat coverage of the Grand National horse race Saturday.

Pip, pip. Cheerio!

Star Still Dreaming of Renewal

Tom Verica, who stars in the ratings-challenged NBC drama American Dreams, thinks the show still has a shot at renewal.

He cites the fact that NBC chose to run Dreams' season-finale episode as-is, instead of slapping together an alternative ending for the whole series, as a positive sign for the show.

Of course, we pessimists point out that if NBC had already decided to cut bait, why would they invest another nickel in such a lowly-rated show?

But that's just us.

"Did you ever notice... what an ass Andy Rooney is?"

In a trial accusing a speakers bureau of trying to stiff many on its celebrity roster, ancient Andy Rooney began his testimony Monday by questioning the wording of the oath to tell the truth.

Rooney, who is somehow only 86 years old, entered the courtroom muttering. When asked to swear to tell "nothing but the truth, so help you God," he replied: "I don't know about God."

The judge also had to remind the CBS curmudgeon that witnesses don't get to ask questions... newsman later got a lecture from the judge for trying to interrogate a lawyer while on the witness stand... "even if he's a journalist."

Rooney says he's owed about $10,000 from a 2003 speech at Indiana State University.

24 in 99: 11:00pm-12:00am

Here's this week's 99 word recap of 24. JoeVideo is on assignment.

Air Force One suffers an indirect hit and crashes. The critically injured president survives, but the nuclear football is fumbled. Buchanan tells Tony Michelle still digs him, and because of it, they never got “on the clock.” Two campers find the football, and Marwan gets to them before CTU. The campers flee to an abandoned power plant. Marwan finds ‘em, tortures ‘em, and nabs the football. Offsides! Bauer gets the football back- but there’s a flag on the play! The case is missing warhead locations and codes! The terrified Veep gets sworn in, as the play clock ticks away...

24 in 99 airs every Tuesday. For more cool TV crap, tune in to your inner geek at!

Tonight's Tube

The promos are saying that tonight's Blind Justice "is the episode that will change everything." One thing it won't change: the fact that we ain't watching. On NBC's ever-improving The Office, fears of downsizing mount. And on ESPN, something called Bowling Night premieres. Dammit- I forgot to rent the shoes.

Monday Mouth Off! Solution

This former "sports babe" wanted to be a back-up singer and has sometimes been known as "Flika." Who is she?

Answer: Desperate Housewives star Felicity Huffman.

Monday Trivia Solved: The Simpsons week, day 1

What happened to Snowball I, the Simpson family cat?

A) Ran away
B) Electrocuted
C) Killed in an automobile accident
D) Eaten by Homer

Answer: C.

Geek/CounterGeek: TV Term Limits

Geek: Make TV Term Limits Mandatory

I was a fan of That 70s Show for about four years, I loved Seinfeld for about five years, and Will and Grace... well, I never liked that crap. Few shows leave the air while they're still at the top of the ratings, fewer leave while they're still good. That's why I believe that all shows should have term limits.

Sitcoms should run for no more than four years and dramas should run for five years tops. Anything these shows can do can be achieved in that time. After that it's the same characters doing the same thing over and over. Just think of how freeing it would be for the writers to actually know how long a series would last, so it could be planned out in advance.

The first thing you learn about writing is that every good story has a beginning, middle and end- wouldn't it be great if TV shows did as well?

CounterGeek: Natural Selection is TV's Way

I admit that many shows continue long past their prime, but arbitrarily limiting their runs is ridiculous. TV shows survive or become extinct based on the law of natural selection. If a large part of the viewing audience selects to watch a show, it stays on, if not buh-bye.

Of course, a lot of good shows die an early death and a lot more not-so-good shows go on year after year after year. It's not a perfect system, but it works. Besides, what if The Simpsons only ran four seasons? What if Law & Order only ran for five? What if The Golden Girls only... hey- don't be Bea Arthur hatin'!

Vito's Geek/CounterGeek airs every Tuesday- that is, until TVGeekSpeak's term limits deem it ready for cancellation. For daily TV Headlines, features, and trivia, tune in to your inner geek at!