Thursday, April 14, 2005

Viewers Shutting Eyes To Blind Justice

ABC's retarded freshman drama Blind Justice, which had the unenviable task of replacing long-time ratings stalwart NYPD Blue, has begin tanking in the ratings.

The show, which started strong, has lost a third of its audience and is now 17% below what Blue was getting in the timeslot. It's now a prime candidate for the scrapheap.

Of course, who could have predicted that a drama about a gun-toting sightless cop would flop?

Desperate To Raise Money

The ladies of Wysteria Lane are launching a new charity.

Called "Clothes Off Our Covers," the five feuding femmes, who reportedly clashed big-time while shooting a cover for Vanity Fair, will auction off duds they've worn in the various magazines they've appeared in.

Of course, I'd pay an extra 100k just to watch Eva undress, but I'm not sure that's part of the deal.

More Lives to be Lost

Ian Somerhalder has a news flash to Lost fans: get used to characters dropping dead.

The actor, who plays Boone on the hit desert island drama, says he was just the first to go. But Boone fans shouldn't fret: the actor says he'll be back in flashbacks- and maybe even "something more."

How... mysterious.

Jennings Staffers Band Together

Peter Jennings is getting a boost from his colleagues.

Staffers have bought 200 yellow "Live Strong" wristbands from the Lance Armstrong Foundation to support the ABC anchorman, diagnosed last week with lung cancer.

Jennings, 66, has begun outpatient chemotherapy treatment and hasn't anchored "World News Tonight" since April 1.

Trump: "Bigger Isn't Always Better"

Turns out even Donald Trumo's ego has its limits.

At his insistence, this season's Apprentice finale will be a standard one-hour deal, instead of the sprawling and needlessly long three hour fiasco earlier this year.

The new finale will air May 19th.

Blech And The City

Lots of perverted men, such as myself, loved the thought of tasty Sex And The City star Cynthia Nixon gettin' horizontal with another chick.

As usual, the fantasy hasn't quite played out as hoped: Nixon's mystery woman, Christine Marinoni, has finally come out of hiding.

Man... let's just say she sure as hell ain't Portia DeRossi.

"I'll Take Frivolous Lawsuits for $100,000, Alex."

A woman is suing know-it-all Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek in connection with the disappearance of a $100,000 horse she delivered to his central California breeding farm.

The suit claims that Trebeck "sold, traded, gifted or otherwise disposed of BeBe (the horse)."

New Networks Going Gay

They're comin' out.

Three new TV networks catering to gay and lesbian viewers are about to launch. About to leave the closet is MTV Networks' Logo, scheduled to start as a basic cable network on June 30. Q and Here, two pay services, are already available.

No word on whether Spongebob will sign on to be a spokesperson for any of the networks.

Related Link:
TVgeekSpeak: SpongeBob QueerPants?

Wiggin' Out! with Sydney Bristow: Week Fourteen

Welcome to Wiggin' Out! with Sydney Bristow... our exclusive weekly tonsorial tally of the lovely and talented Jennifer Garner's Alias wigs.

Episode 4 x 15: "Pandora"

Another disappointingly Syd-lite episode. Sure, we find out Sloane has an evil quasi-clone, that Marshall can speak up when he needs to, that Isabella Rosselini needs a lip-waxing. But the fact that it all happens in everyone's natural god-given hair takes all the fun out of it.

"Pandora" total: 0 wigs

Season total:
12 wigs

Tonight's Tube

Tonight on Bravo, I'm all over Project Greenlight, where it appears Gulager is prepared to start fucking up his movie, like, for real. Oh sure, you can choose the more popular faux dramas with new episodes tonight, like The OC, Tru Calling or ER. But why? (How's that for reasoning?)

Wednesday Trivia Solved: The Simpsons week, day 3

What does the J stand for in Homer J. Simpson?

A) Jack
B) Jo-Jo
C) Jay
D) Jimmy

Answer: C) Jay. How friggin' clever of them.

Sportztyme!: Puck Off

Even though I always knew Uncle Buster watched too much sports on TV, I assumed maybe he took a break once in a while. This week's Sportztyme! proves me wrong.

Think no one misses the NHL? Ask the folks who are the programmers at ESPN.

They have had to rely more on the "E" in their name and less on the "S" on weeknights lately. ESPN was the home (such that it was) of the Stanley Cup playoffs... better known as the time of year when fans either started paying attention to the sport, or started asking each other "they are STILL playing???"

But since the NHL's work stoppage, the playoffs have been cancelled, leaving the boys and girls in Bristol to run scrambling for something to fill the black spaces between commercials. And you might not believe what they have stooped to showing.

First up is a game show called Teammates. Host Stuart Scott goes through a lengthy discussion of the rules of the game, until the viewer realized this is a Newlywed Game ripoff, except these folks ain't hitched.

Next up is Bowling Night. Athletes from other sports grab their ballz and head to the alleys. No word on whether the shoes are comped. I can tell you there are several reasons why most of these athletes didn't join the PBA tour.

They have also started to fill time by extending SportsCenter to 90 minutes on some nights. It almost lends itself to a number of SportsCenter spinoffs that you can see rumbling toward you like John Kruk toward a sundae buffet. How about these:

SportsCenter: Behind the Music
SportsCenter 90210
Dateline SportsCenter
(Stone Phillips shows only)
SportsCenter: Special Victims and Disgruntled Fans Unit
Desperate SportsCenter
(and I think they are there already)

Thankfully, baseball is back for these guys. But why have we not seen any replays of the World Series of Poker? That is watchable any day of the year, with an unlimited shelf life. ESPN, I know you're scrambling, but please, the less of Stuart Scott asking athletes: "Where's the most athletic place to make whoopee?" the better.

Sportztyme!, considered by many to be TVGeekSpeak's beer frame, airs every Thursday.

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