Friday, April 15, 2005

Geeks Of The Week

The Boston Red Sox got their first World Series rings in 86 years- but you wouldn't know it if you were watching the game in New York.

The YES Network, owned and operated by the "Evil Empire" Yankees themselves, didn't show a single frame of video from Monday's ceremony in its game coverage. Whether Yankee fans wanted to see it or not, it was a low-class, cheeseball move for a basic cable channel to effectively censor what they consider to be undesirable anti-Yankee material.

For Once, Jameson Refuses To Take It In The Ass

Looks like Jenna Jameson doesn't always like getting fucked.

The surgically enhanced, white-hott author of How to Make Love Like a Porn Star has filed a federal lawsuit to bar her publisher, Judith "Queen of Books" Regan, from getting a cut of her proposed reality show.

Jameson's lawsuit asks a judge to rule that an April 2004 development agreement signed with Regan Media doesn't apply to a deal Jameson negotiated herself with A&E for a show based on her daily life.

A reality show about a porno chick on A&E? Hell, why not just put it on Noggin?

Lost Dog

A little trivia: who's the only Hawaiian native on the mysterious island from Lost?

Yup- it's Madison, the frisky (female) yellow Labrador retriever who plays (male) Vincent.

The sizzlin' hot ABC drama, which is filmed in Oahu, Hawaii, has just been renewed for a second season. Its two hour finale airs May 25th.

Now That's Television For Women

Lifetime, a network never afraid to take on hot-button issues like adultery, cheating husbands, and cuckolding, is branching out.

Look for their juicy four-hour miniseries on sex-trafficking this October.

Luckily, it stars starring Oscar-winner Mira Sorvino and Donald Sutherland, and not Delta Burke, Valerie Bertinelli, or Meredith baxter.

Lifetime has increased its original programming budget by 33% for next year.

It's Crime Time Television

How much crime is too much?

There are currently over 30 cop shows on network and cable TV. Why?Well, people love them, and they practically write themselves.

Personally, I'm just a sucker for a good clung-CLUNG.

The Not-So-Simple Life

Today's big mystery of the universe: who's going to flank Paris Hilton on the next edition of The Simple Life?

With rumors of a falling out between the dumbass debutante and her moronic flunkie Nicole Richie, Fox is looking for a new partner. In the running: Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberly.

Now in its third season, Life is still a sizeable hit for Fox.

Survivor 10 in 99- Plus! Week Nine

99 Word Recap: The sole survivor of Ulong, Stephenie had a tough, lonely time back at camp. Although she did well getting by, she was happy to find that she would be joining Koror. At Koror everyone kissed her ass. Two native Palauans came to show the tribe how to fish. Coby got angry and was bitching, moaning and bitching. He told Stephenie about the various alliances within Koror. In the first individual immunity, whoever could stand on a small platform the longest would win. Everyone but Tom traded immunity for food. In a shocking tribal council, cranky Coby was voted off.

If I had a vote: I probably would have voted for Janu, because she's annoying. Coby was definitely the smart choice; he was tough in the challenges and was plotting harder than anyone.

My favorite so far: A lot of the personality of the game went with Coby. Stephenie, Ian and Tom are my favorites. If they stick together, one of them will win.

Vito writes Survivor 10 in 99- Plus! every Friday- when he isn't being taught to fish by Palauans. Click here to return to!

CSI: 99: 4/14/05

Here's Pusher's 99 word recap of last night's CSI.

Grissom nabs a carjacker after he hit another driver instead of the taco-stand owner who thwarted his robbery.

Warrick arrests a convention organizer for murdering a model. She pissed off his client by being too old to screw.

Sara and Greg find a bloody bullet in a dead bodybuilder's wall. A mold reaction spread spores and steroids he'd injected compromised his immune system until he died.

Nick gets a body-dump of a drunk teen. The boy wanted a spin in a Laundromat dryer. A friend put him in then ran; leaving the owner to find and dump the body.

Pusher's CSI in 99 airs every Friday on!

Weekend Tube

Friday: on ABC, check out the season finale of Less Than Perfect, a show quite possibly headed into the off-season sitcom shredder. And on TLC, Larry Hagman hosts something called Sheer Dallas, which is about real-life Texans, not Victoria Principal finding a presumed-dead Bobby Ewing in the shower. Saturday: Hey, man, pass that over: it's Reefer Madness on Showtime! And on Cinemax, the excellent Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- can you beat Kate Winslet in orange hair? And on CBS, come on down: on CBS, it's The Price Is Right Million Dollar Spectacular! Sunday: My eyes are filled with tears, as the season (and possibly series) finale of Arrested Development unspools. If you'd rather check out other people's disgusting living spaces, try NBC's Home Intervention. I propose, to all networks, a "Fix-it Reality Show Intervention" instead. Any takers?

The Friday "Eff Off!" Entertainment Tonight

I couldn’t live in California. They produce shows like Entertainment Tonight out there, and pass it off as actual journalism.

Their stories might run 15 seconds tops, and they actually promote things like: "Halle Berry buys new underwear, and WE have the exclusive video". Actually, I might watch that.

Are Hollywood types that far up their own asses?

Is it really THAT big a deal what designer’s name is on the piece of Kleenex J. Lo is wearing to tonight’s irrelevant awards show? Do I care what Brad Pitt eats for breakfast? Will it change my life?

Decidedly not.

Every week, Uncle Buster writes 99 Word Reviews on shows he refuses to watch on The Friday Eff Off. How... open-minded of him.

For more cool TV stuff, click here to return to!

Friday Trivia: Simpsons week, day five

How much does the cash register say Maggie costs in the opening titles?

A) $46.71
C) $847.63
D) $.89

Answer tomorrow.

Thursday Trivia Solved: Simpsons week, day four

What Simpsons guest star was credited as "John Jay Smith"?

A) Michael Jackson
B) Dustin Hoffman
C) Joey Ramone
D) Jack Lemmon

Answer: A) The gloved one.