Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Yeah, But It Won't Make It Any Funnier

Get ready to see that scar on Tina Fey's face in startling, life-like detail.

Beginning this fall, Saturday Night Live will be the latest NBC late-night show be broadcast in high-definition.

SNL follows network neighbor Late Night with Conan O'Brien, which began telecasting in HD format last night.

Late Late Changes

Craig Ferguson, returning to The Late Late Show after a vacation, announced that, after four months on the job, he was doing away with his necktie- and his monologue.

Now, if he could only lose that irritating accent...

Paula's Bad Judgment?

First, American Idol had to deal with an upcoming Primetime Live special promising to "explore explosive claims about behind-the-scenes activities" at the show. Now, Fox itself is investigating allegations that American Idol judge Paula Abdul bumped uglies with a contestant in 2003.

Reps for Fox and ABC News had no comment. When asked to respond, Abdul just stood, smiled, gave a thumbs up and said "That's really really great. I loved it!" before passing out.

Tonight Returning to New York?

Will Conan O'Brien stay in New York when he assumes The Tonight Show in 2009?

Mayor Michael Bloomberg, a guest on the show last night, tried to get him to promise to bring Tonight back to New York.

Conan waffled, saying "It's not up to me, I work for the man. If he says 'yeah,' we're fine. So we'll talk."

The Tonight show, with Johnny Carson as its host, moved from Rockefeller Center to Burbank in 1972.

Ratings No Laughing Matter

How far has the sitcom fallen?

Only two of Nielsen Media Research's top 30 programs last week were sitcoms, and one of them, CBS' Everybody Loves Raymond, has its finale next month. The only other top-rated sitcom: Two and a Half Men.

Other underperforming sitcoms: ABC's According to Jim (No. 40), Will & Grace (No. 45) and Joey (No. 55).

Of course, it were help if these shows were even remotely funny.

Static From The Geek-In-Chief: Why Stop At TV?

So, as you probably know, it's TV Turn Off Week. Because television is so inherently evil, and destroys children's lives (it couldn't be poor parenting, could it?), an army of wussy, whiny clods want you to stop watching TV for a week. Simple solution to a complex problem, they say. I say, it's a more acceptable modern form of book burning. Would Americans be so supportive of a "Burn Books Week?"

Well, maybe I'm being bitter. Maybe I should get on board with this crazy notion. But where should I draw the line? Should I also ban anything that's tube-related, like books and magazines? If I want to read TV Guide while I'm sitting on the bowlam i out of luck? What about that new issue of Vanity Fair with those wacky Desperate Housewives on it? Guess I can use it for kindling. I better not read those last few pages of my newspaper either, or look at the programming grids- I'll be in violation.

As long as TV is out, I guess I should also boycott video games while I'm at it. DVD's, too. Heck, anything with a glowy screen is distracting, right? How about cell phones, then? Gone. Gameboys? History. Heck, my stove has a colorful digital readout... guess I won't be eating this week.

Since digital readouts are now in play, I guess all the new-fangled clocks in my house need to be covered. Oh, and the washing machine too. And the radio, while I'm at it.

And I probably shouldn't be writing this, because a computer monitor is nothing more than a fancy-schmancy TV. And shame on you for reading it- you're not a team player!

Man, now that all these distractions are out of the way, I feel so much better. The problems of the world have been solved. And luckily, my TiVo will collect all the TV I'll miss all week. Of course, I'll have to watch double to catch up.

Isn't America great?

Static from the Geek In Chief airs every Wednesday.

Tonight's Tube

Did you catch Michael Imperioli's debut on last week's Law & Order? No? Well, tonight on NBC, you get your second of four chances. Of course, first you'll be watching new episodes of the always Lost and the momentum gaining Alias.

Tuesday Trivia: The Jeffersons week, day 2

What was Mother Jefferson's favorite beverage?

A) Coffee
B) Scotch
C) Iced Tea
D) Bloody Mary

Answer: D) Bloody Mary