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Friday, May 06, 2005

Geeks Of The Week

This week, we have a tie between our dubious "winners" Comedy Central and Dave Chappelle. We're not sure which side is really to blame for the shutdown of his hit sketch show, but one thing's for sure: it's costing both parties big bucks, BITCH!

Chappelle's Blow?

Dave Chappelle is undergoing treatment "for unspecified personal issues," Variety reported yesterday, fueling rumors of addiction (Coke? Whores? Samuel Jackson Beer?).

Comedy Central announced tht they're indefinitely delaying the third season of "Chappelle's Show," scheduled to premiere May 31.

New Group Aims To Put Censorship In parents' Hands- Where It Belongs

Sick of the government telling you what should be on the tube?

Well, there's a new group you may want to join: TV Watch, a bipartisan coalition launched Wednesday, aims to abolish government control over television content. Instead, it advocates education as to the usage of parental controls.

Finally, a reasonable solution to the growing hysteria over indecency. Click here to go to the TV Watch website.

As Close as a Blade, Or Your Money Back

Spike TV has ordered a pilot based on the successful "Blade" movies starring Wesley Snipes.

A two-hour movie based on the Marvel comic books will premiere on the network early next year. No word on whether Snipes will be involved (not friggin' likely).

With Clock Ticking on 24, NBC Biding Its Time

With less than two weeks to go until Fox unveils its new fall lineup, the future of 24 will be determined by intense negotiations between the network and Twentieth Television.

The show's license term is up with Fox, and the producers want more dough. And NBC would give it to them, sources say, in order to swipe the show from its rival.

I look forward to the 24/Will & Grace sweeps crossover episode, where Bauer gives Will a hilarious cavity search.

Unfunny SNL Alumnus Gets Real

CBS is developing a reality series to be hosted by annoying Saturday Night Live veteran Jon Lovitz.

It has something to do whith hidden cameras, or game shows, or something.

Sounds real cutting edge. I'll pass.

Primetime Live Viewers Vote Off L&O, CSI:NY

It seems whatever American Idol touches turns to gold.

ABC's Primetime Live investigation of Fox's banal talent show averaged 13.7 million viewers Wednesday night, beating both CSI:NY and Law & Order.

Survivor 10 in 99- Plus! 5/5/05



99 word recap: Last week, Stephenie used up all nine lives and was voted off. I didn’t see that, however, because someone named W pre-empted Thursday’s programming. In this week’s first challenge, Gregg won the reward and shared it with Jen and Katie. While they were off eating, getting massages and having surprise visits with their loved ones, Tom, Ian and Caryn hatched a plot. The three decided to vote for Gregg and force a tie, with the other three voting for Caryn. Ian won immunity and tried to get Katie to vote with them. The plan worked and Gregg was blindsided.

If I had a vote: I’m still bummed that they took out Steph last week. I was excited to see the plan work and Gregg get bounced. He was planning on screwing everyone over from the beginning and got what he deserved.

My favorite so far: I’ll only be happy if Tom or Ian wins. Katie, Jen and Caryn have been riding coattails to get this far. If this tribe hadn’t won every immunity challenge before the merge, they would have been gone long ago.

Every Friday, Vito takes time off from filling out hundreds of Survivor 11 applications to write Survivor 10 in 99- Plus!

CSI:99 5/5/05


Here's our 99 word synopsis of this week's CSI.

Catherine's personal life compromises another case as a guy she hooked up with in a parking lot becomes the main suspect in two murders. Adam's parking pass, phone number on a matchbook, and even part of his tongue in one of the victim's stomachs all point to him. That's forensic evidence! But Warrick determines Adam's parking pass was stolen. Fingerprints reveal it was planted by one victim's stalker ex-boyfriend. Stalker-boy shot his ex after seeing her with Adam, then decided to kill Adam's next conquest to set him up for both murders. See? Catherine only kisses sleazeballs, not murderers.

Pusher's CSI:99 airs Fridays- otherwise known as Catherine's date night.

Thursday Trivia Solved: Lost week, day 4

Who was not on the flight manifest?

A) Ethan Rom
B) Shannon Rutheford
C) Hugo Reyes
D) John Locke

Answer: A) Ethan Rom

Aching News: "It's okay for the Media to RUNAWAY with THIS one."



From the desk of MC Hatorade at United Hate Press International.

This week my beef is with a popular newsradio host who need not be mentioned- oh what the hell, John Batchelor (yes, it is spelled with a 't') who claimed that the TV news media was focusing on "fraud" this week. "Fraud," being the story of the runaway bride, or flee-ance that had committed "fraud," by lying to authorities about what her story was. All the while, Mr. Batchelor claimed he was focusing on what's real in the world.

I am a hard news guy, like Mr. Batchelor, but sometimes you just have to feed the machine, which is the public. I mean, whom are we kidding? From the outset this looked like it could have been another Scott Peterson, and when the story went across the country in just a couple of days, it became a national story for good reason. What is the news media supposed to do, ignore all stories that don't have anything to do with health, money, Congress or North Korea? Por Favor.

Besides. This one was a lot of fun. When Miss Wilbanks told the Albuquerque authorities that two people had loaded her into a blue van, this blogger immediately knew that this cold-footed woman had watched one too many episodes of CHiPS as a child.

"Officer, it was a blue van, no, one of those dark blue vans, you know, with one of those round bubble-shaped windows in the back, and there was shag carpet on the inside, and, and, and I think they were playing Santana music. Oh god, and there was lots of smoke in there too. Probably marijuana or something. One of the guys in the van said something about meeting up with this guy named Chico. Look, I have to go... to the bathroom... and puke so I can fit into the wedding dress I won't be wearing."

The great thing was watching CNN do an about face as soon as she revealed that she hadn't been kidnapped. For the record, CNN was way ahead of MSNBC and FNC on this one on Saturday morning. Don't ask me why I was up at 5am when the shit went down.

For more fun on the subject of brides with cold feet, see the book, Honeymoon with My Brother.

Until next week, Mr. Batchelor, pour yourself a tall glass of hate, shut up and get in the car, or the van in this case.

The Friday "Eff Off!" The Apprentice


Here's a 99 word diatribe rationalizing why Uncle Buster won't watch The Apprentice- even when he's on his meds.

I'll give Donald Trump this: his Apprentice is closer to reality than most "reality" shows.

But why do I care about a bunch of self-important yuppies sucking up to one of the most egotistical people on Earth?

I can appreciate Trump giving them semi-real life entrepreneurial issues, and gauging their actions and reactions. But why would anyone really care who Trump's next Associate Executive VP of Paper Clips turns out to be?

And how come all the chicks are hot? Even the head cases. Out here in the real world, the wackos are usually fugly too. Hey Donald: Apprent-THIS!

Every week, Uncle Buster takes time off from insisting the WWE is a real sport to write The Friday "Eff Off!".