Sportztyme! The Real Sportz Emmys
NBC/HBO mouthpiece Bob Costas won, like, his 540th Emmy award this past week. I work with people that must get paid by the word, and they have framed pictures of Costas on their desks.
Since these awards are 150% subjective and arbitrary, I'd like to hand out some of my own Emmy awards, for attributes and traits that fans actually notice and/or care about.
The Emmy for Realizing Fans Are Stupid And Will Continue To Pay Exorbitant Prices: To Major League Baseball teams and the cable companies who continue to squabble over rights fees and contracts, depriving fans of seeing their local team on a nightly basis. Sure, 150 bucks will get you every game, but remember when teams were on for free? Another reason the 80s were so awesome.
The Emmy for Guilty Pleasures: To the WWE. Yes it's not sports. Yes, it's childish, juvenile, and demeaning to females. Yes, it's all fake, scripted and all that. Yes, I still watch b/c it's some of the funniest stuff on TV. And, unlike half the reality tripe polluting the airways, it's INTENTIONALLY funny!!!
The Nepotism Emmy: To every member of the Caray and Buck families who owe their entire careers to the patriarchs that toiled before them, and with much less talent than was passed on in their DNA.
The Call A Spade A Spade Emmy: To Charles Barkley, who never saw a truth he didn't feel was worth sharing with the public. Charles, don't ever change.
The Thesaurus Emmy: To Dennis Miller, who surely swallowed one before his Monday Night Football gig. Dennis, Socrates called, he'd like his act back.
The Emmy for Least Impactful And Influential Sport: the NHL. 'Nuff said.
The Bucket Of Oats And A New Saddle Emmy: To anyone who still thinks the WNBA is a good idea.
The Keep It Real Emmy: To Stuart Scott who I really feel needs to show us more personality and ethnicity.
The Fill The Black Space Between Commercials Emmy: To ESPN for midweek snoozers like College Softball, Teammates, Celebrity Bowling and the return of the NFL Superstars. Almost enough to get my fat ass off the couch and outdoors to kill time.
Gotta go. Gotta game.
Uncle Buster writes Sportztyme! every Thursday, while awaiting his first Emmy nomination.