So, it's become a trend: for the last few years, the networks have shied away from summer repeats and have trumpeted their "fresh, new programming." In addition, cable networks use the weakened competitive atmosphere to launch new shows of their own. A tube lover's paradise, yes? Hardly!
Granted, reruns suck, especially when you're talking about serialized dramas. But the majority of this "fresh, new" programming is neither fresh nor new. Ninety percent of it is rehashed, warmed over, half baked reality chum dumped in the water by the networks trying to catch a guppy or two.
I understand the rationale: It's cheap, it doesn't have a little (R) next to it in the TV listings, and it beats plugging in a thirty-seventh rerun of Law and Order
in its place.
But is this really the best these guys can do? Here are some of the winners planned for your summer viewing pleasure (these are not
made up):Fire Me, Please:
Two people compete to see who can get fired first. Big whoop- half the people I work with seem to be playing this game on a daily basis, with no
prize at stake. (CBS, June 7) Being Bobby Brown:
see also Being a Washed-Up Pop Star
, Being a Felon
, and Being Married to a Crack-Addicted Diva Bitch-ass Skankbag
. (Bravo, June 30)Hogan Knows Best
: Hulk Hogan wrestles with being Dad. Sounds to me like you'd have to be put in a sleeper hold to sit through more than 30 seconds of this one. (VH-1, July 10)Minding the Store
: Pauly Shore attempts to save his mother's comedy club. Let me get this straight: somebody paid money to put Pauly Shore back on
TV? I'm flummoxed. (TBS, July 17) So You Think You Can Dance
: Miss The Solid Gold
Dancers? The producers of American Idol
bring us this dance competition that's sure to turn heads- and stomachs. (Fox, July 20)Venus and Serena: For Real
: The tennis-playing sisters put their lives on display for all to judge. You know, for real
. I'd rather stand in front of a serving machine sans racket for an hour. (ABC Family, July 21)Stranded, With Cash Peters
: Man travels the world with no money. Just like millions of college students do every year. Big friggin' deal. (Travel Channel, July 25)Situation Comedy
: Comedy writers compete to get their sitcom to be the next Life on a Stick
. (Bravo, July 26)The Law Firm
: Attorneys compete for valuable prizes by trying real cases in court. I guess the thought of fighting for justice isn't enough. (NBC, July 28)Meet Mr. Mom
: Dad's in charge when Mommy takes a vacation- with no Michael in sight. (NBC, August 2)Kathy Griffin: My Life on The D-List
: I'd rather watch videos of her many plastic surgeries. (Bravo, August 3)Tommy Lee Goes to College
: Bad-boy Motley Crue drummer hits the university of Nebraska. Hope there's a kegger, because I'd have to be beyond loaded to watch this crap. (NBC, August 16)
And finally, the bottom of the barrel:Battle of the Network Reality Stars
: Where all those reality stars that you hate from all those reality shows you despise all congregate on one show! How fun! (Bravo, August 17)
Clearly, this "new" summer programming isn't all that hot. But it beats reruns of Blind Justice
On second thought...