Monday, June 13, 2005

Hilton To Give Up Public Life, Whoring To Become a Mom

Paris Hilton plans to give up public life for family life.

The 24-year-old hotel heiress, star of The Simple Life, a sizzlin' hott burger ad, and a secret home video (that everyone has seen), says she plans to give up her public life in two years. By then, she hopes to become a mother with her fiance, Paris Latsis.

Of course, she's already cut a deal to release videos of the birth of her first three babies. Now that's hott. Not!

Rescue Me Has FDNY Steamed

New York firefighters aren't all that enamored with the FX hit series Rescue Me.

They complain that the show focuses too much on negative characters- womanizers, alcoholics, dumbasses- and a couple dim bulbs. However, firefighters still have a decent opinion of creator and star Dennis Leary.

Leary, however, doesn't care. He'd rather be controversial than middle-of-the-road.

The second season premiere begins June 21 at 10 on FX.

Fox Continues Quest For An Original Thought

Nobody rips off other networks' reality fare more than Fox.

Now it's time to add another one: clearly hoping to clone the success of ABC's Dancing With the Stars, the network has traded its capezios for ice skates and ordered 6 episodes of Skating with Celebrities.

No word yet on what "celebrities" will lower themselves to compete.

Big Bucks for Stars of Nip/Tuck

The stars of Nip/Tuck are in luck.

Sources said stars Julian McMahon and Dylan Walsh have each received a cash bonus in the $280,000-$320,000 range, with FX providing most of the money. Talks between the actors, who are locked under multiyear deals, the network and the studio about a possible salary bump had been going on for months. Co-star Joely Richardson is also said to have received a bonus.

Separately, Rhona Mitra, recently jettisoned from ABC's Boston Legal, will join the cast as a recurring character.

The show begins production of its third season today.

Tonight's Tube

Choices galore tonight: to hold you over until The Sopranos returns next March, try Inside the Mafia on the National Geographic Channel. The Closer, starring the tasty Kyra Sedgwick, debuts on TNT, and the WB burns off Lori Loughlin's Summerland.

The 4400 in 44: "Voices Carry"

Here's our 44 word recap of this week's The 4400.

Skouris and Baldwin contact a telepathic ballplayer & recruit him to spy on Collier (who is doing an arms deal). Isabelle demonstrates her unusual powers on Richard. Kyle starts college. Maia tells her aunt about something that'll happen, proving that she's still having visions.

JoeVideo writes The 4400 in 44 every Monday.

The Geek Files: An Open Letter

Dear Friends,

You know I love talking to you on the phone; especially those of you who live far away. I want to hear all about your new girlfriend or boyfriend. Tell me how much your job sucks. Let's plan a vacation together. Let's just not do it during my favorite TV shows. Please!

Every TV season there is usually one show that I absolutely cannot miss. For nine years it was The X-Files. You, my friends, knew this. Yet you continued to call me between 9pm and 10pm every Sunday night. (Friday nights in the early years.) When that was over you should have kept calling me then. Instead you switched to Thursday nights at 9pm. Was it because you knew I'd be home? I only have a cell phone, people. Call me at any other time and I can answer. Just not during C.S.I.!

I'm going to make a prediction for next season. My phone will ring every Tuesday night between 8pm and 9pm. I plan on becoming quite obsessed with N.C.I.S. The show (literally) had a killer ending that shocked me and I can't wait to find out what happens. So, naturally, all of you will call at that time.

Why don't I just not pick up the phone, you ask? Well... I don't want to be RUDE.

Thanks guys.


P.S. - If it can be helped, don't call when the Mets are playing either. Love ya!