Friday, September 16, 2005

Weekend Tube

Tonight, CBS premieres its newest sci-fi showcase, Threshold, while the WB trots out its new Friday lineup of What I Like About You, Twins, Reba and Living with Fran.

And on Sunday, of course, you have the Emmys, as well as the final season premiere of King of the Hill.

Geek Of The Week: Suresh Joachim

This week, Suresh Joachim gets the nod, as well as a Supreme Geek Award for breaking the Guinness world record for the longest continuous time spent watching TV.

He finished Friday with 69 hours and 48 minutes of tube time.

This makes me feel like I should have been keeping better track of my viewing habits... surely I've come close to this.

Geekspeak Guide To The Emmys

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series

Arrested Development • FOX • Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth
Everybody Loves Raymond • CBS • Ray Romano as Ray Barone
Monk • USA • Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk
Scrubs • NBC • Zach Braff as John “J.D.” Dorian
Will & Grace • NBC • Eric McCormack as Will Truman

Geekspeak skinny: Hey, guys? Ray Romano was never really acting on that show. Just a heads up. He'll probably still win. Personally, I'd give the nod to the brilliantly deadpan Jason Bateman.

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series

Boston Legal • ABC • James Spader as Alan Shore
Deadwood • HBO • Ian McShane as Al Swearengen
House • FOX • Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House
Huff • Showtime • Hank Azaria as Dr. Craig “Huff” Huffstodt
24 • FOX • Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer

Geekspeak skinny: I'll accept nothing less than a win for that motherfucking cocksucer Ian McShane, for his brilliantly captivating performance on Deadwood. Also: who the hell saw a single episode of Huff? Anyone?

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series

Desperate Housewives • ABC • Marcia Cross as Bree Van De Camp
Desperate Housewives • ABC • Teri Hatcher as Susan Mayer
Desperate Housewives • ABC • Felicity Huffman as Lynette Scavo
Everybody Loves Raymond • CBS • Patricia Heaton as Debra Barone
Malcolm In The Middle • FOX • Regency Television Jane Kaczmarek as Lois

Geekspeak skinny: Look for the three Housewivesto split the vote and let Heaton waltz off with the trophy.

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series

Alias • ABC • Jennifer Garner as Sydney Bristow
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit • NBC • Mariska Hargitay as Detective Olivia Benson
Medium • NBC • Patricia Arquette as Allison Dubois
The Shield • FX • Glenn Close as Capt. Monica Rawling
Six Feet Under • HBO • Frances Conroy as Ruth Fisher

Geekspeak skinny: Close is a shoo-in, although I saw nothing so great about her Shield performance. Arquette would only win in a contest for "Most Mannish Hands On A Lead Actress In A Primetime Drama."

Outstanding Comedy Series

Arrested Development • FOX
Desperate Housewives • ABC
Everybody Loves Raymond • CBS
Scrubs • NBC
Will & Grace • NBC

Geekspeak skinny: Scrubs or Arrested deserve it, but come on: Housewives is a lock.

Outstanding Drama Series

Deadwood • HBO
Lost • ABC
Six Feet Under • HBO
24 • FOX
The West Wing • NBC

Geekspeak skinny: Emmy favorite The West Wing and fading Six Feet Under, despite its captivating ending, were both on the way down this season. But you could make a string case for any of the other three. Too close to call.

Outstanding Miniseries

Elvis • CBS
Empire Falls • HBO
The 4400 • USA
The Lost Prince (Masterpiece Theatre) • PBS

Geekspeak skinny: Didn't see any of 'em. You tell me.

Outstanding Made For Television Movie

Lackawanna Blues • HBO
The Life And Death Of Peter Sellers • HBO
The Office Special • BBC America
Warm Springs • HBO
The Wool Cap • TNT

Geekspeak skinny: The networks get shut out of this one. Nice to see BBC's superior The Office squeak in someplace.

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series

Da Ali G Show • HBO
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart • Comedy Central
Late Night With Conan O’Brien • NBC
Late Show With David Letterman • CBS
Real Time With Bill Maher • HBO

Geekspeak skinny: Ali G is the most creative of the bunch. However, media darling Jon Stewart probably wins this one. At least the hideously mediocre Tonight Show was shunned.

Outstanding Reality Program

Antiques Roadshow • PBS
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition • ABC
Penn & Teller: Bullshit! • Showtime
Project Greenlight • Bravo
Queer Eye For The Straight Guy • Bravo

Geekspeak skinny: Outstanding reality program? Normally I'd say there is no such thing, but the excellent Project Greenlight and Penn & Teller: Bullshit! both deserve accolades.

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program

The Amazing Race • CBS
American Idol • FOX
The Apprentice • NBC
Project Runway • Bravo
Survivor • CBS

Geekspeak skinny: Everybody raves about The Amazing Race, which I've never seen. And I despise the other nominees. So, run, Race, run!

Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series

Arrested Development • Sad Sack
Arrested Development • Sword Of Destiny • FOX
Arrested Development • The Righteous Brothers • FOX
Desperate Housewives • Pilot • ABC
Everybody Loves Raymond • Finale • CBS

Geekspeak skinny: Arrested Development is, consistently, the best written show on TV. Period.

Outstanding Writing For A Drama Series

House • Three Stories • FOX
Lost • Pilot • ABC
Lost • Walkabout • ABC
Rescue Me • Pilot • FX
The Wire • Middle Ground • HBO

Geekspeak skinny: I love Lost, which will probably win, but generally it has too much of that making-it-up-as-we-go feel to me. So give it to the equally brilliant The Wire instead (not a chance of this actually happening, by the way).

Outstanding Animated Program (for Programming Less Than One Hour)

Family Guy • North By North Quahog • FOX
Samurai Jack • Episode XLIX • Cartoon Network
The Simpsons • Future Drama • FOX
South Park • Best Friends Forever • Comedy Central
SpongeBob SquarePants • Fear Of A Krabby Patty/Shell Of A Man • Nickelodeon

Geekspeak skinny: Who cares. They're scribbles on the screen, and they're all pretty good. I need a beer... enough of this already.

99 Word Review: Rome

I come not to praise Caesar, but to bury him. Kinda.

See, I always hated ancient European history. So why the hell am I watching HBO’s Rome? Good question. After learning my lesson with Deadwood and The Wire, I promised to stick with HBO’s newest drama. Yet after three episodes, I’m already feeling like I’m back in 6th grade, nodding off in Mr. Brown’s class.

Sure, there’s plenty of plundering, fighting, and fucking. But shouldn’t it be… I don’t know… interesting? And why must everyone speak with a British accent? (Aside from the fact that the BBC co-produced this?)

New episodes of Rome air Sunday nights on HBO.

Crap-filled Cases

Fox's new drama, Head Cases, didn't make a strong case on Wednesday.

The drama, starring Chris O'Donnell and Adam Goldberg as mentally askew lawyers, was beaten by a suddenly resurgent Rock Star: INXS, a Law & Order: Criminal Intent, and an encore of the two-hour Lost pilot.

NBC Ditches Urban Slant for New Reality Show

NBC, long known for its sophisticated urban comedies like Cheers, Seinfeld, Frasier and Friends, is changing their approach.

A fourth-place finish will do that.

Their new Amy Grant helmed reality show, "Three Wishes" is aimed at a churchgoing rural and suburban audience. And its marketing plan is a real departure: NBC sent more than 7,000 DVD's of the show to ministers and other clergy members, along with a recorded message to their congregants from Ms. Grant.

Praise Nielsen!

Daytime Emmys Ditching NYC

The Daytime Emmys are moving cross-country to L.A. For the first time, next year's show will air live from the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood.

The National TV Academy wants to goose ratings for the awards show after its lowest rated showing ever last spring.

The nominees, henceforth, will be announced by the loud-mouthed cows on The View.

Katrina TV

The Dish Network satellite television service has added a channel dedicated to Hurricane Katrina relief efforts.

The Katrina Information Network, developed by Washington-based Flying Colors Broadcasts, will be available to Dish customers free while the Gulf Coast is rebuilding.

This channel is not to be confused with the other all-Katrina channels on the air, CNN, MSNBC and Fox News Channel.

In a related story, both NBC and CNN also announced plans to open full-time news bureaus in New Orleans.