Monday, September 19, 2005

New Season, New Look

Welcome to the debut of the crisper, cleaner just in time for the new season.

Hopefully the pages will load faster and more consistently. The old page looked different on every freaking browser. How annoying.

Anyway, let me know if there are any issues. Thanks.

Tonight's Tube

Fire up that TiVo: we're officially knee-deep in the new season!

Tonight, Fox brings back the robbed-of-an-Emmy Arrested Development (yes!) pairing it with the curious culinary comedy Kitchen Confidential.

CBS whips out its new Raymondless Monday slate: King of Queens, How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, Out of Practice, and CSI: Miami all unveil shiny new episodes tonight.

And NBC unwraps Surface, Las Vegas and man-handed Emmy winner Patricia Arquette's Medium.

Emmy Tubeservations

This is why I hate awards shows.

First, let me be the first to say that the shameless Dan Rather, who left his anchor chair in exile earlier this year, should stop trying to glom applause by rubbing elbows with the far more respected Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings.

I still don't understand the love for the mildly-amusing-at-best Ellen Degeneres. Could somebody clue me in to what I'm missing?

How does Everybody Loves Raymond, a once great show whose time has passed, beat the far superior Scrubs, Arrested Development and Desperate Housewives? I mean, bullshit sentimentality reasons aside?

Why must we be subjected to untalented stars singing badly? If I wanted to watch American Idol... well, come to think of it, I'd never want to watch that. Hence, my gripe. Although Shatner is always a trip.

Could David Letterman be any stiffer?

Ian McShane... robbed. Period.

At least Lost got a well-deserved award for best drama. Even a stoped clock is right twice a day.

List of Emmy Winners

Drama Series: Lost, ABC.

Comedy Series: Everybody Loves Raymond, CBS.

Miniseries: The Lost Prince (Masterpiece Theatre), PBS.

Variety, Music or Comedy Series: The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, Comedy Central.

Made-for-TV Movie: Warm Springs, HBO.

Reality-Competition Program: The Amazing Race, CBS.

Actor, Drama Series: James Spader, Boston Legal, ABC.

Actor, Comedy Series: Tony Shalhoub, Monk, USA.

Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Geoffrey Rush, The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, HBO.

Actress, Drama Series: Patricia Arquette, Medium, NBC.

Actress, Comedy Series: Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives, ABC.

Actress, Miniseries or Movie: S. Epatha Merkerson, Lackawanna Blues, HBO.

Supporting Actor, Drama Series: William Shatner, Boston Legal, ABC.

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Brad Garrett, Everybody Loves Raymond, CBS.

Supporting Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Paul Newman, Empire Falls, HBO.

Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Blythe Danner, Huff, Showtime.

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Doris Roberts, Everybody Loves Raymond, CBS.

Supporting Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Jane Alexander, Warm Springs, HBO.

Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program: Hugh Jackman, The 58th Annual Tony Awards (2004), CBS.

Directing for a Drama Series: Lost: Pilot (Part 1 & Part 2), ABC.

Directing for a Comedy Series: Desperate Housewives: Pilot, ABC.

Directing for a Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, HBO.

Directing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program: The Games of the XXVIII Olympiad - Opening Ceremony, NBC.

Writing for a Drama Series: House: Three Stories, Fox.

Writing for a Comedy Series: Arrested Development: The Righteous Brothers, Fox.

Writing for a Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, HBO.

Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program: The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, Comedy Central.

Extreme Whiner

Another life left in ruins by reality TV: an apparently butt-fugly Texas woman is suing ABC after getting bumped from the reality show Extreme Makeover.

Deleese Williams claims her life-altering surgeries got nixed the night before they were scheduled to start. She claims getting dumped by the show shattered her family's dream and triggered her sister's suicide.

Sure, let's blame the producers, instead of the poor judgement that Williams and her white-trash, backstabbing clan used in agreeing to appear on the show. What a bunch of asswipes.

Lost In Translation

Michelle Rodriguez is returning to ABC's Emmy winning drama Lost, but even she has no idea what path her character will take.

Which makes this item nothing more than a pitiful excuse to show off this picture.

Love that skimpy-ass Emmy dress!

The Geek Files: Premiere Week

This week is like Christmas morning to TV Geeks. The new shows are airing and we get to find out which we'll proudly wear every week and which will sit in the same sad box until it gets tossed with the dried, dead tree sometime in January.

For real geeks, the last few weeks of build-up are even more fun. Since I was a kid I've loved seeing new, splashy promos produced by the big three networks. You know, the ones that forced every star of every show to look like they're hanging out together and having fun? They're even making a comeback lately. Check out the "New NBC" spots running now or the "We're #1" spots on your local ABC affiliate.

But nothing, nothing, will top the year ABC ran the Fall Season Campaign that featured their stars heading back to the soundstages. When a sunglasses-clad Bruce Willis capped it off with a wry wave, I had a tear in my eye. Bravo, ABC. Bravo.

Pusher's The Geek Files airs every Monday.

Down the Hatch

Dumb-ass Survivor numero uno Richard Hatch faces arraignment today on charges that he failed to pay taxes on his winnings.

Federal prosecutors say Hatch didn't pay taxes on the $1 million he won on the CBS show. They also accuse him of tax evasion, wire fraud, mail fraud, bank fraud and filing a false tax return.