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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Tonight's Tuberama

Hockey returns tonight on OLN, but a complicated carriage deal may not allow you to see the games, even if you do actually get OLN. We're too confused to explain it, so we won't. Instead, we'll also remind you that Fox will eschew playoff baseball for the finale of So You Think You Can Dance, whilst ABC debuts the delayed premiere of George Lopez.

And it's so easy to forget the WB, but we won't, in the interest of our younger skewing tweenies: One Tree Hill and the new Related both get fresh starts tonight.

Idiot Box Poll Results: Sucky New Shows

We asked: What's the crappiest new show you've seen so far this season?

You answered:

The War At Home (Fox) 37%
Inconceivable (NBC) 25%
E-Ring (NBC) 25%
Head Cases (Fox) 12%

Low Viewer IQ = High Ratings: WWE a Smash on USA

Somebody please explain this to me: WWE Raw's premiere on USA Network was a slamming success.

Its return to its old cable stomping grounds drew in an unfathomable 5.6 million viewers for its three hour premiere. This marks the largest audience for this show in over three years, providing circumstantial evidence that Arrested Development can never be a hit in a country filled with people who find Raw stimulating entertainment.

┬┐Donde Estas Los Hooters Des Eva Longoria?

A mishap caused indirectly by cable equipment damaged last week during the LA fires caused this week's Desperate Housewives to be broadcast mostly in Spanish.

Of course, this being heavily spanish-speaking LA, most viewers probably preferred it.

About 175,000 fans were affected.

Same Old Ratings Story

This year is no last year.

With two huge hits debuting last year (Lost and Desperate Housewives) the networks were given hope that new shows could actually break through the clutter and thrive. But this year, that hasn't been the case: the only new show in the top 20 is ABC's Commander In Chief, which skews too old to be a major success story. A few shows have had promising starts, including My Name is Earl, Everybody Hates Chris and Invasion.

New shows that continued to shit the bed last week: Inconceivable, The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, and the already axed Sex, Love and Secrets.

The top 10 (in total viewers) was predictable...

1. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, CBS, 28 million viewers
2. Desperate Housewives, ABC, 27.1 million
3. Lost, ABC, 23.1 million
4. Without a Trace, CBS, 21 million
5. Grey's Anatomy, ABC, 17.6 million
6. CSI: Miami, CBS, 17.4 million
7. Survivor: Guatemala, CBS, 17.3 million
8. Cold Case, CBS, 16.7 million
9. Commander in Chief, ABC, 16.4 million
10. Law & Order: SVU, NBC, 15.3 million

...as was the network race, with CBS taking the total viewers crown, and ABC winning in the key demo of 18-49 for the second straight week.

For the evening news race, NBC Nightly News beat ABC's World News Tonight and (of course) the CBS Evening News.

My Name Is Renewed

No surprise here- NBC has given My Name is Earl, one of its few bright spots, a full pickup.

The series will produce a full 22 episodes for the season. The new comedy won its time slot in its first two airings.

Mapes: I Was Framed- By Bloggers!

Mary Mapes, the producer at the center of last year's CBS News Memogate scandal, claims she was derailed by a vast right-wing conspiracy.

Shocking!

She's crying that she was the victim of a group of conservative bloggers "with a harsh political bent." who pounced on CBS News after it aired the now-infamous Texas Air National Guard story on 60 Minutes 2.

"They were hard-core, politically angry, hyperconservative sites loaded with vitriol about Dan Rather and CBS," she frets. Maybe. But sweetie- you based a story on documents that weren't real. Isn't that harsh too? Take some responsibility, fer chrissakes.

Of course, she's shilling her new book, which certainly will be a hot seller amongst outraged lefties, curious righties, and conspiracy theorists everywhere.

Extras Credit

Ricky Gervais, star of The Office and the new, slightly overrated HBO series Extras, is going to make a guest appearance on the smartest comedy on TV.

He'll shoot a guest spot on Arrested Development, according to reports. Perhaps as a citizen of Wee Britain?

Gervais is also slated to write and voice an episode of The Simpsons at some point in the not-too-distant future.

Yet Another Apprentice

Despite a continuing ratings slide, NBC & co. has started shooting the next run of The Apprentice- the Donald Trump version, that is. Clearly, the 'Cockers must have a really weak development slate.

Meanwhile, Martha's abysmally performing spinoff moves to 9pm tonight, against Lost.

Hey, good luck with that.

How To Dismantle a Late Night Talk Show

Conan O'Brien will turn over tomorrow's entire episode of Late Night to the band U2.

Bono & Co. are in New York for a seven-night engagement at Madison Square Garden. Conan is a big fan, and schmoozed the Irish rockers last season during rehearsals at Saturday Night Live.

It marks the first time the NBC show will devote itself entirely to one musical guest.