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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

New Study Proves TV is Still Very, Very Bad

A new study, fresh of the presses, breathlessly reveals that young people who see more ads for alcoholic beverages tend to drink more.

Really? Are you as shocked as I am? As in, not at all?

I bet if I did a study of children locked in their basements, being totally cut off from the outside world, they'd tend to drink less. So should we do that? Are we to throw our TVs, our radios, our magazines, straight in the recycle bin, lest our children see some glamorized guzzling? Should we blindfold our kids when we take them to the distributor to buy that ice cold case of Hamm's in case they lay eyes upon a bikini clad Budweiser standup?

The shocking part of this revelation, if you buy into it, is that advertising is that effective.

Since the dawn of man, alcohol producers have argued that advertising has no influence on liquor consumption by young people. This, of course, is complete and total nonsense. But to solely blame some nonsensical Superbowl commercial or an in-store standup display for influencing kids go out and get wrecked- isn't that maybe a little harsh? Maybe if parents monitored what kids were watching- let alone, how much TV they watched- their kids wouldn't be off someplace shotgunning cans of PBR.

As if when you're that young and want to drink, you're influenced by brand advertising anyway. You take whatever you can get. ("No, I couldn't possibly drink that Genny Light. Have you any Heineken keg cans?")

Of course, parents (myself included) know the truth: when kids figure out that drinking is fun, they're going to do it anyway. I guess by these standards, my wife and I should never, ever drink in front of the kids.

That ain't gonna happen either.

Let's face it. Peer pressure is the only commercial kids need. Let these study-doers figure out a way to get kids to tune that out.

Now, if you'll excuse me, all this ranting has made me thirsty.

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